last thing i have to do is find a job

I'm having an affair with the word 'beautiful' these days, it's just catching my eye, and it seems like the turns of phrase with that word catch my ear more often. I told rabah this, but i think i would much rather be called beautiful than any other thing... because beauty stretches all the way to the inner secrets of the soul.

middle english

you know that old cliche of the guy reading a girl poetry and she falls in love with this so called sensitive guy because it's impossible to find a guy who reads keats or whoever?

well...if any guy is willing to read me chaucer in lilted middle english.. i might just fall into that cliche and swoon... my (female) teacher was reading the first 16 lines of the canterbury tales to us today... and well... it was splat.

I miss colorado skies. if you're still there. look up at sunset (and sunrise if you're up early enough) and just absorb the reds, pinks, oranges, fuzzy greens and blues that roll together. you don't get that everywhere... and it's breathtaking.

my friend Charlie is coming up from Nipomo before he goes off to le Hahvard- i'm excited.. yet another person i haven't seen in over a year- speaking of which.. i saw yan today at crossroads (the dc) he grew facial hair... yan is a friend of a friend from harvard... so i guess i'm seeing more harvard people that i thought i would. but I really want to meet up with krisitne again. from that group

you know how people get an image of you? i don't know if my image here is the same as my image at home.

people here don't nosegoes.

I was walking down the street, and a bum who was walking by said "smile, it's a beautiful day" and you can't say no to that.

week one ish?

I was reading through some of my old stuff.. and though I'm pretty sure i've posted this before... i thought it was fitting:

Beginnings are creatures of change. We don't always welcome Beginnings, but they are born in front of closed eyes. By the time we accept them, the Beginnings have moved on, on cat like feet to leave us to their offspring; we feel the same, yet uncomfortably different. Beginnings are dashing, because of the uncertainty that they arrive with, arm in arm; whereas, Middles are boorish and Endings are wretchedly nostalgic. Only when we are able to let go of the past and leave it as the past, instead of the now, new Beginnings can be acknowledged.

recently i've been whiny and complainy about how I don't feel like anything's changing... but hey.. maybe the me of two years ago was right.

I learned how to chacha, salsa, and east coast swing yesterday- it's nice having a dance partner who knows what he's doing.. it was pretty sweet.. and I now have a group of ultimate frisbee-ers which is awesome. Funny how i really dont' know anyone on my floor and instead i hang out with people who live waaaaaaay on the other side of campus. This is how it always works for me.. i find good guy friends first... and i have to look hard for good girlfriends. I can live with my roommate... though she's nothing compared with Kristine- and she tries too hard to be cutsey and is pretty high maintenance... but she's alright.

I miss having people around that already understand me and with whom I already have a relationship established. it makes things a lot easier.

I need to start waking up earlier... and actually not waste time. maybe that means going to sleep earlier

14 hours and counting

I think i'm getting closer to closure today... this last day. once my room looks (near) spotless I think it'll have that going away feeling. I should start on that.

I feel bad for spending not enough time around my parents... but spending time with them means spending time around them. I probably should have gone golfing with me dad.. and done something with my mom... but it seems... like when they want me around we do our own things... I don't know.

I guess I have to let my friends go... I've been on the receiving end of "my friend_______ would have..." or "one time me and my friend ____ did..." and on the giving end for that matter, but i gues i just have to be about making new memories instead of reliving old ones... something I've never been good at.

my mom thinks I have to be out of the house by 5:30 for a 8:30 flight... I say psh... at least thirty more minutes of sleep.

I can't find my 'end is here' album.. and it makes me sad.. otherwise most of my music is on my computer...

anyone want REM albums? my cousin gave me most if not all of REM's discography frm off of his computer... I should have upgraded my harddrive.

"She said, 'I like long walks and sci fi movies'"

I made my first bottle of Kimchi today. That was pretty cool. My mommy taught me. I think if I were just a little less academically inclined, i would go to culinary school and become an amazing chef... yeah doggy. If you like the smell of hamburgers or steak on the grill.. well.. it's nothing compared to the smell of some good korean barbeque on the grill.. seriously. I've scoped out the korean food on campus.. so a little homesickness will take me to those restaurants.

Otherwise, I need to decide what's going and what's staying... should I take Floppy (my loved and dirty stuffed animal)? should I take the big or the small box of crayons (Ian says big) ? what shoudl I decorate my room with? that is a lot harder when you're not allowed to drill holes in the walls...I realise 2 of the 3 questions I just asked make me seem childish and as joe would say in line that whole neverneverland peter pan thing- which I find no problem with embracing my childhood.

My shoulder really hurts.. I hope it's nothing serious and the pain (and thus problem) goes away within a couple of days.

I should have gotten a bigger harddrive for my laptop... I didn't realise how much music I had.

This weekend was pretty awesome. I went to a day-long picnic with my church... and played a bit of volleyball... football... got hit in the hip with a ball as I daydreamed...then I went to a fashion show at the Fabric Lab.. it was straight up on the sidewalk on colfax.. pretty awesome.. the clothes were cool, the atmosphere was better. then on sunday.. I went to church and then Winnie's, Foote's then Kathleen's it was pretty awesome.. I went sailing for the first time.

No one writes on their blogs anymore... it kinda makes me sad.

wierded out

I just found a picture of Lane Smith on facebook... basically he was my preschool love interest.. we would make tunnels in the sand together. craaazy


I feel a lot more lethargic now that i'm home from korea... like lying on my floor and counting the little nubbly carpet clumps is a good use of my time. I haven't writtenanything since last may, I haven't read anything new since I finished that Vonnegut book. I'm just wasting my 'talents' and sleeping or kinda eating (my stomach's shrunk too) and i'm too lazy to do anything about it.

enough of the emo posting though. I met up with Rusty and Max (friends from le harvard) last Saturday... It was pretty cool except for the abortion discussion that somehow came up. i hate going into these things because people aren't going to change their minds about them. but it was nice because i haven't seen them in over a year and i hadn't really talked to max in any form until that point.

i hope i can find a job at le berkeley, and i hope I can amass some money to go either to chicago or out to boston/newyork for spring break.

i leave in less than 2 weeks.

Chicken Feet and Eel Guts

Right.

Consistently for the past year the concept of marriage has come up often. Mostly directed towards my sisters- but I got some of it. Now because i'm going to college with (surprise surprise) a lot of asians and maybe because I just came back from Korea its suddenly a whirlwind of You have to marry a korean person... and you ave to be on the lookout and blah blahblah. sometimes I hate conservatism.
the great majority of Korean guys are either too female or too piggish.

Korea was okay. I hung out with my family a lot (had the conversation about marrying korean a lot). got introduced to foods I never thougt would be edible (see title) and shopped cheap... but not over excessively.

I get to see Rusty and Max on ( i think) saturday... oh my Dallas boys.

I've come to realise how much I hate money in alll forms. it just sullies all good things. food is no longer delicious (i'm eating $5.79) earning it is too difficult when you're paying back a third to the government and spending my parents' money leaves me guilty and I can't spend it on what i really want because it's too much to ask for or they don't see the importance of it.

my mom thinks i'm inactive.. which is true when I'm at home. simply because well... I can be. and everyone else is still working-

i'm really jetlagged- I woke up at 4am yesterday, wen tback to sleep at 7am woke up at 1pm went back to sleep at about 4pm and woke up again at about 7pm and then finally fell asleep for the night at 2am. I give it a week. I hate doing nothing. and yet that's all i'm doing. ugghhh

I haven't been on a swingset in a long time. not since lauren/alex/megan's graduation party when I was on them with Winnie.

Ihope my roommate is pretty awesome... but I dont' know how they could beat Kristine.

rabah needs to come home.

This summer was (is) not the "best i ever had" but maybe we can make it better in the next fortnight or so.

Goodbyes quiet my soul

I'm coming home tomorrow.

berkeley's being obnoxious.

but I'm going to spend what time I have with people instead of this box. Full recap upon return.

-끗

oo.. goot.. belly belly goot!... you know?

I <3 my uncle... he reminds me of Mr. Bean... and to him.. that's a complement.

my cousin has all the seasons of friends... and when I think i'm forgetting english.. i watch them... friends reminds me of Matt... i had forgotten why i lke chandler the best.

hows it in colorado?

:(/:)?

so apparantly I don't make a very good footall psychic... and all of the world cup jinxes are true... england can't get past the quarter... brazil can't win in europe.. le sigh....

poor argentina...

today i was listening to Cute without the E in the subway and I though of Lauren, Kaile and I (Yang was there too, but she didn't ko the words) singing like manics. I wanted to bust out on the subway... but... the korean people just write text messages on their ridiculously nice/expensive phones... or watch their minature satellite tvs.. and they'd just be like 'crazy american!' and kick me witht heir high heeled shoes.. well not really... but there'd be a lot of people staring.

I miss my car... it's really the only place where I can truly sing out without people looking at me funny,, or me disturbign them.

I'm forgetting english.. I was just about to spell crazy with a K.

Korean couples often have an item of matching clothing- maybe a ring... maybe the same pair of converse (worn in the same way) sometimes the whole freakin outfit... and yeah... yeah... it's obnoxious... that last one.

'Football' Musings

Stupid Germany... charging the goalie... and making Argentina lose the shoot out... but I think Argentina made some bad calls to begin with.

my guess.. germany italy england and brazil... italy in fouth and brazil takes the cup...

but i really don't know anything about soccer (football)

a leaf out of Matt's book.

5 things I've noticed about Seoul:

1. Girls will endure pain for fashion: ie stilletto heels in a hilly city.
2. It's true that girls won't exercize because they don't want muscle: they just want to be slim. (my cousin's girlfriend doesn't want to eat vitamins because she'll get muscular? i don' understand either)
3. The Seoul subway system is super nice... better than the... five systems I've riden before
4. buying a cellphone in korea.... is scary business... there's a department store floor full of people being paid on commision trying to add you to their stats...but the cellphones are super high tech... they make the razr look like a brick
5. relatives will feed you when there's nothing else to do.
6. the showers dont' have curtains.


I was told today I suck at writing in korean.. thus i am in the second of three levels in the program.. yesterday I went around a place called Insadong and would have bought airplne earings made out of wire if my ears were pierced. but they're not.

I like hearing my granmuzzer laugh.

and poor poor korea..... stupid switzerland.

Goin' Home

Day after tomorrow... I'm headed out to the motherland. I really don't know what to expect other than the fact I know i'm going to make a fool of myself simply by opening my mouth... actually..in that regard... not much is different.

I realised this past sunday (if Korea wins this friday and moves on) I'm going to be there during the world cup. it's going to be pretty awesome considering how crazy my people are.

I'll probably post while I'm there... yeah... and e-mail people....

I'll be back... fatter... and FOB-by.

Titles always come last

Berkeley was pretty fun.. despite the demographics being almost 50% asian.. i still managed to make more non-asian friends than asian... yeah... i'm cooool.
Telegraph reminds me of a grittier Boulder. with tye dye tents... and people selling henna... which apparantly people like to get on their breasts.

Korea in about a week.... should be a rockin good time, though I'm staying with my aunt and uncle instead of in a co-op (what is Co-op short for?)

life is good.. golf with Ady this week, possibly teach rabah some more, and let my dad use me as cheap (free) labor.

it's way too hot here.

I got the Harvard Summer Review (the lit mag from the summer sessions) and all the stories have the same tone to them. I guess that's whyI didn't make it.. or why I like to think I didn't make it. oh well...

Thought Vomit

There's a Horcrux in book five

The Sting is excellent (but Robert Redford is hairy)

people are shady

I watch too much TV these days.. makes me lethargic

I'm gonna pick my trumpet back up again

Korea house is coming soon

Trip out to Berkeley even sooner

Lets Whack those balls around, Rabah and Anandi

Lunch? (if I wake up early enough)

I love running my finger across a peice of paper I colored with crayon.

I want more strange Beautiful Corpses on napkins... though the funds aren't great for either of us

we're gonna have to say goodbye sooner or later...

but later yes.

glue stick.. and follow the art crowd

good night.

Because It's Usually about You

Kaile has always kept me writing. whether it was reluctantly on my part or just from the inspiration, she's been a part of it always. I guess this post is because of her's on xanga... well part of it is... she made me want to write something.

Tonight's been wierd. I said goodbye to Zuk and Hawley and C. and you know, well, I know i'll see them again.. but I feel like I"ll see them from different eyes next time. it's not going to be the same. we'll have a separate relationship. I can't see me out of high school.... that grown up. I can't believe my mother is 50, and I can't believe we just graduated. seems like a sick joke to me.

I'm ready to keep doing things my way, and screw everybody else. but you know you influence me anyway.

I have this little doodle infront of me that I cut off of a chemistry worksheet when I was throwing stuff away. it is a picture of two UFO's beaming up a person holding a banana, being eaten (butt first) by a snake on a floating branch... with a giant toucan watching.. as well as a flock of red blood cells (or really far away UFOs) I'm going to keep it forever because it reminds me of Ian.. though, it IS in pencil.. and I hope it doens't fade away.

Tomorrow's going to be fun. just because there'll be good music and people I like. no scratch that.. people I love.

what is a jackalope? and how many exist?

and I was never good at goodbyes.

If you could only see how blue her eyes could be...

I watched Garden State again. It's one of those movies you have to watch at night, or else it doesn't have that magic to it.

Kinda like how Nick Drake sounds better at night.

My sisters left today. It always seems so empty when they leave... with voids of silence.

I'm a needless worrier. I worried before I went to SSP last year, and this year I'm worrying (probably needlessly) about College and Korea. maybe I should have chosen Northwestern? but I don't think so. I can't think like that already.. it's too late for it anyway.

Why is it that lighter colored eyes are so striking? No one says 'if you could only see how brown her eyes were...' or... 'those are some pretty intense black eyes' we blackies (and brownies) got played.

Why is it that people always want what's hardest to obtain? The asians... who definitely tan easily like the white porcelain skin, and the females go to all extents to get it.. where as the caucasians... who definitely can keep their white procelain skin want the tan glow? On that note.. at the rate I'm tanning (while wearing a lot of sunscreen I might add) I'm going to be wrinkly and 60 by the time I'm 40.

but screw that. While I'm here, I'm gonna play soccer with the church kids, hopefully play some disc on wednesdays after tea and crumpets, and get some golf action on... and probably get browner by the day.

I won't worry my life away

I got some graduation bling, two days?

My sisters are coming in tomorrow

Rusty Mason is coming into town on the 5th of August.. er.. rather I get to see him on the 5th of August. :o) Last time I saw Big Rustic was August 19th 2005

No more Korea drama.

Watermelon is Goooooood, and right now that kimchi smell is permeating the house (b/c my mom is making it).. which is, in a disgusting way, really appetizing.

I have a person (or two) I know going to my school next year

I'm in my summer groove alread

If you didn't know, the title is Jason Mraz style.

I've been talking about Rabah a lot I know.

But that's what happens when you hang out with someone a lot. we decided one of her south african friends from camp and I are two parts to the same soul... because apparantly I tell her and ask her the same stuff he does. we are not 'soul mates' as in meant for each other, but.. we are the same person.. except he's south african, muslim, and likes hats, and I'm korean, christian, and likes-hats-but-thinks-they're-too-trendy-to-wear.

and by that i mean I think some of the really cool hats are way too catchy for me, and I kinda like to express personality through clothing through colors.

but really. I've always wondered whether there was someone in the world in a completely different environment that acts the way I do, and talks the way I do, just in their own language. I think there is. Have you found You yet?

I apparantly march to the beat of my own drummer. That's good that people think so, because sometimes I'm afraid to look ridiculous, so then I get more obnoxious and try to make myself un-selfconscious.

I played soccer yesterday for the first time in years, I'm not BAD at playing D, and I saw a lot of old faces form the korean church network that I haven't seen for years.

Tuesday's coming did you bring your coat?

It's time to smile.

different

I hung out with josh and nick today.. it was.. refreshing.. and you could only kinda tell i was the odd (wo)man out. probably because I don't understand WOW.

We're checked out kids... and not in a 'hey baby' type checked out as in DONE... go to my links and refer to Rabah's post 'Check' for specifics.

two days ago, I was driving down I225, and this guy on a motorsyle, doing about 80, passes me, looks back at me, pops a wheelie going 80, stays like that for about 150 yards, and then looks back again at me. show off.. and he's going to kill himself.. I never was able to do a wheelie on my bike.

tomorrow's Prom. it's a little bittersweet, but, hey i'm excited (doesn't seem like it's tomorrow) vamos a bailar amigos!

" I was been told, you'll never grow old, if you live your life too fast.
But I don't need to rest, I'm not old and tired, but I've been through fire and I've seen enough,
and I might never be the same again, but have you seen my friends, they're just the same.
Well come on, well come on, hon' get up and dance with me yeah.
Well no more, well no more blue days and lonely years. "