"to not touch your skin is not why i sing"

How is it that best friends can capture exactly how you're feeling at a moment? How is it that even though we haven't talked much this past month, we can still be in a similar state of being?

If you haven't read this post (by Rabah) here: It's beautiful... and nostalgic... and sad... and poignant.

My pastor told us on Sunday that he was leaving as of June 1. I don't know what to make of that. Funny how on Friday, Dianna (or was it Donovan?)asked me how I chose my church when I got here. I told them it was all (mostly) about the pastor. And now he's leaving. I don't think I will make a conscious decision to leave with him, but who knows what will come in the future? If I can't grow... then I can't stay... as selfish as that sounds.

I have three papers (two in English, 1 in spanish) due in the next week- wednesday, thursday and monday (12th). I know i need to be working on them, but I keep falling asleep on my couch. I know i should be focused on them but, in the words of Norah Jones, "I've got to see you again"

j-j-j-j-joy

I'm a little early, but, that's okay. I think its time:

The previous list is found here, and if you go far enough back, you can find the first one I ever made in my junior year of high school.

(little) Things that bring me joy:
1. Days when my toe doesn't hurt
2. gchat with Rabah
3. contemplating rhinestones
4. good conversations
5. better hugs
6. dancing
7. sleep
8. weeks when nothing is due
9. chocolate graham crackers
10. daydreams
11. listening to the noise of Blakes closing at 2am
12. falling asleep talking
13. buying books

identity

So, I'm taking a post-colonial literature class this semester. And basically that boils down to the literature being all about identity. And the further I study identity, and how it's created in these novels in a believable way. The more nebulous it becomes. It's something that doesn't exist. There are just faces that you can put on for people and identity arises from the particular faces that arise more than others. In this way, we're all allowed to be a big bundle of contradictions because that's how we're created. Morals, intuitions, desires, all fighting each other, it's just what comes out first.

On that note, I've been thinking a lot. about nothing mostly, but on how I'm ready for more time to myself, more time with my friends... maybe even just more time making friends. I feel like I've forgotten how in some ways.

Alex keeps asking me what I want. and to be honest, I don't know. I'm really glad it didn't take much convincing to get Yakov to change the training stuff for the banquet. I'm excited.

I think I'm dying.

Summer will be: Work, Open Routines, Friends, Practice, Movies, Cooking, Grass, and so forth... how long has it been since one of my joy lists? I'll have to check.

Seasons of Love for sure.

Hello Friends, Lovers and B-Boys

I thought i'd start out with this: and say that well.. I want to be a B-girl.. but since that's a nigh impossible dream... I'll just watch the you tube videos.

There's a lot of work that I have to do. a lot. a lot. a lot. I'm just lazy and I don't want to do it. It's like .... i don't know there's something that's inhibiting me from doing it.

I'm moving into my living room. Rubal and I are splitting up... not really.. but sort of. I'm taking over the living room, and she gets the bedroom. I'm paying less rent, and so forth for being the walk through room, the smaller room, the smell absorbing room... I think it's for the best.

I just need a week of non-time. can I have that? can I please?

I had a good time last night, watching disney movies, hanging out with a strange group of people. getting to know them. I like making new friends, when you can't go wrong, and you don't know the dirty deep secrets about them that make them slightly less attractive (but at that point in time, it doesn't matter because the good stuff has already been magnified)

I feel like I'm losing my anchors. where did you go? where did you go? where did you go?

pete and repeat.

I'm listening to Ska P

I don't know why i wrote that title. Good night

20 -2hours

Blearggghhh is what my system is saying to me most days now.

I don't want to go to work,
I don't want to practice
and I most definitely don't want to study.

Today I had a private lesson with Roberta... who is all things magic, made our promenades look worlds better and helped me with my arm thing. the limp arm thing. the thing I've been trying to fix since August. and suddenly it makes sense from a very nonsensical- you roll your shoulders back and this creates a sense of pressure between your hands and your partner. er.. did that make any sense to anyone? I doubt it.

I need to cut some sort of extra curricular out. I don't know what. Ballroom I guess makes the most sense to cut out (its the least beneficial outside of college) but.. it's also the most enjoyable and that's kind of out of the question at this point.

I need to work on finishing my ideas/thoughts instead of getting distracted by digressions. I know I've said that before.

happy birthday to me.

Welcome Back to B(allroom)erkeley

As soon as I got back, I was whisked off to the SF Open where i proceeded to watch professionals Eugene Katsevman and Maria Manusova work it.

Got my 3rd birthday present (SUPADANCE SHOES!!!!!!!). 1, they're way more stable than my old Very Fine pair, 2. They're pretty, 3. They're also half an inch lower.. (now 2.5" instead of 3") which in addition to the more stable bit makes the dancing easier on my feet. 4. ...did i mention they were pretty? but they're really dark.. i may have to tan to match the color.. which er.. yeah... should probably get some pro-tan too.

Had an hour and half "welcome back to Yakov" meeting.

Went back to practice... need to get back into the habit of practicing for extended periods of time so that I can build endurance.. should probably also go running or something.

I am about to alter the underskirt to my standard gown to fit and also make a latin costume..

...and will hopefully read for Spanish within the next few hours.

It's as if two weeks is too long for ballroom to be away from me.

I should look for classes for Fall.. and more last minute internships