Zero to hero

I've been reading a lot of mythology lately, and I must say, its some pretty wierd stuff. I never really thought about Zeus turning into a swan and having sex with Leda. She's having sex with a swan... whaaa??
and then there's always postthumous sex- somehow also including getting pregnant, and crossdressing. I have to say its pretty entertaining stuff... though I should give Ady his books back soon.

I'm excited for festivus.

"You are what you love, not what loves you"

Sometimes I look back at some posts I created- and never posted.. I think those are the ones that say more about me than anything I have posted.

I hate those times when I look in the mirror and I find everything wrong with my face. Those aren't good days. I think I'm prettier at night.

everything comes back to me. I don't know about anything going on outside jessica's little world of IB and college. Not really a fan of that, but I don't see myself doign anything about it.

I love fruit. if you look at persimmons closely it looks like they have cinnamon in them. they taste like they have cinnamon in them- i just dont' like it when they get slimy. I think my favorite fruit might be the white peach.. despite having found a grub in one once. it inched across the table in a lazy fat manner just as I bit into the half that I had cut.. it was exactly the same colour as the peach and squishy.

I'm a bit miffed J.C. likes to believe the worst in people. It seems whenever I try to have a little bit of respect for the guy, it comes crashing down. I find it depressing that Peter can give better messages than JC can despite going to seminary.

Age of Innocence is painful. East of eden was pretty amazing. not quite to the point of making me stop and wonder at Steinbeck's genious, but still good.

There's something about good ol' Jerome David that gives me shivers.

If I love books and writing so much, then why do I have such a hard time putting words together?

I hate being vulnerable. love's one of those things where you cut yourself open and you don't care what they do to you. Anything is justified. Isn't that horrifying.

Maybe I'm cutting myself open and you're still a hundred yards away. I'm waiting.

What the Doctor Ordered

Lately I haven't been so please with myself. I had been needy and whiny and I was generally annoying myself to the point where I wanted to separate and never see myself again. Today was a first good day in a long time.

RENT is amazing. to you musical haters (cough joe cough) go see it. I cried like I haven't cried before in a movie. It was amazing and I'm glad I wasn't dissapointed after Harry Potter. Original cast was a good plan because they were the ones who made these characters who they are- it wouldn't be the same with Justin Timberlake playing Roger (which- adam pascal is AMAZING). Dinner with Malorie was nice too. I hadn't been able to catch up with her in a long time.

Its going to be a good movie season. for the past two years I've been really dissapointed with the majority of the movies that have come out. They're making a movie out of V for Vendetta (which gives me an excuse to go buy it- instead of reading the couple pages of it every time its in a bookstore I'm in) Memoirs of a Geisha is coming out- i don't know how good of a movie it's going to be- but the book was pretty good- I want to see how they characterize Nobu. POTC 2 comes out next summer, as does Xmen 3- which.. if they set it up for a fourth, I'm going to be mad- because you need to stop somewhere. the previews for pride and prejudice make me want to see sense and sensibility again. I tried to read S&S and it was super boring.. I'm not a big fan of Chopin, Wharton, Ausin or the Brontes... I know there are other movies that I want to see that I'm not thinking of right now.

I started baking pie today- well i made the crust because it has to refrigerate over night- but.. I had forgotton how much I love baking. Its amazing to see how some different powders and liquids can mesh to form amazing food (that's usually amazingly bad for you)

I'm debating whether or not to go to T2 because I should be spending that time with my family.

A List of Thanks

last year I had a list of over a hundred thigns I'm thankful for. This year.. I'm cutting it back. these are the top 20 things I'm thankful for- in no particular order some are explained.. others don't need it.

1. my family
2. independance
3. God
4. creativity
5. time
6. Joe's Joeness
7. Peter Song for keepin it real with the youth group
8. swings
9. choice
10. SSP- esp. Kristine, Charlie, and Misha
11. Lauren's hugs
12. J.D. Salinger
13. intelligence
14. Self Esteem
15. not being high maintenence
16. Rabah's ability to make anything and everything poetic
17. Lunches and talks with Kaile
18. Social life to keep me sane
19. Ian's crazy ideas
20. sleep

that's not everything I'm thankful for..and sometimes I'm not thankful for them. butyou know what- this is a genuine list. Nothings on here because I'm obligated to put it on here because of who does and doesn't read this.

Happy Glutton day guys.

Tea and Time

There's something about green tea that beats out every other kind. I could drink a genuiune version of green tea- one that resembles more of a pea soup than a clear somewhat green liquid. It's amazing. no other can compare to that japanese goodness.

The time is coming where thankful lists are just around the corner. I wonder how much its changed- how much its stayed the same.

This time of the year has to be one of the worst- in terms of school, but one of the best in terms of fruit- though i'd have to say peach season is better than this persimmon/grape season. i just want to get through the next two days... and then Harry Potter... and then and then Rent... with amazing adam pascal, i'm super de duper excited for both.

I've given myself an until next wednesday deadline to talk to Charlie, Kristine and Misha.

Time to crack down.

I dunno man, I dunno.

I went and saw Malorie today in Little Women, it was pretty sweet, i thinkt hat was one of my favorite books as a kid. and you know.. I was thinking about it during the musical, and really, most of my favorite books and movies have been about writers, or writing or something to that extent. Maybe I make them my favorites becasue it seems right, maybe I'm simply drawn to them. I think its the Latter.

There's something about talent that's unattainable for me. I guess sometimes I feel mediocre at best next to certain people. Maybe I'm pulling myself in too many directions. I've got this image of these strings, not unlike ian's wax-wires that are pulling at me, and eventually splatter me across this room as limbs and my nose go flying across the room. I don't want to be mediocre. I want to be amazing.

being teeny-bopper

I guess you could say that this week has been pretty busy, but its been a good week. Today I watched the Gilmore Girls I taped yesterday, and I must say that it was the highlight of my week so far. Why you ask? Jess comes back. what an awesome loveable character he makes. I feel like i'm back in eigth grade attaching all those last names to mine. Not that K ever reads this (and she's the only one who'll get it except perhaps kaile) I was Jessica Shim Park Park Kim Bloom Bloom.. but it went on forever. I've narrowed my list.. checked it twice and I come up with one name. Milo Ventimiglia. what a freaking hottie. Maybe its just the 'jess' character he plays, but seriously... waaay more attracted to him than probably any other actor, though I may admire other's acting abilities more.

Gilmore Girls has yes gotten worse since the third season (its now in its 6th), but its the little 'Jess is back' episodes that keep me going... keep me watching. That episode made me want to go out and buy season two and three for the jessosity- but i don't have that kind of money.

I made cake for the cake walk tomorrow. it's going to be fun.

"I love you."
"I love cake."

Not time to crack down yet.

There's something about the ending of "Hey Jude" that makes me smile. maybe it's the memories of my dad trying to imitate them, maybe its because it's in the beginning of the Royal Tenenbaums, maybe its because we all stood around a table swaying to it singing the nanananananana Hey Judes at Key Leader. but that song is just associated with good times.

November's super busy. like super-de-duper busy. I love it and hate it at the same time.

I love real compliments and at the same time i dont' know how to handle them.

I haven't talked to my sisters in a long time.

Have you ever just wanted to do something big do something great? I think one of my biggest desires is to be affective. no not effective. affective. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not.

East of Eden is a pretty amazing book. I haven't quite finished it yet. but still. I'm reminded of the intro he wrote in Cannery Row- if you have it, go look at it. his imagery just makes me warm and fuzzy.

float on.

I avoid confrontation. I can't hurt other people. I don't care if I'm hurting myself in the process. I can handle it. How the hell am I supposed to know if they can? Its disgusting. I do it anyway no matter the self-disgust factor. I can get over it. Oh you want me to lay my jacket down over that slushy muddy puddle? Well.. I bought it yesterday with all the money I had and have been saving up for it.. but okay. I take the women's way out and I end up complaining to everyone except who should hear it. is it going to change anytiem soon? well maybe I could complain less about it. that way I don't really bother whoever doesn't want to hear about it, but are too nice to say so. I'm sitting in this corner.. hello? can you see me? I'd wave my arm but it seems like I gave that to you a long time ago.courage fails. resignation creeps in. Life continues on.

Dreams be Dreams

I wish I were telepathetic
I wish something monumentally good would happen.
I wish I could just lie down and hear life.

I'm being whiny... ignore me.

It's disorienting when you don't realise how tired you really are.