Go Away

I haven't wanted to pull my head under my covers, curl up in my fetal position and say just that in a long time. Needless to say I forgot to knock on wood when I said things are going great.

I lost it somewhere between calc and chemistry. which hopefully means its in Kaile's car.
I dont' even know if my opinion matters anymore... I dont' know if it ever has.

I revert back to two year old mode more than usual when I'm upset. I should have used today better. Too bad it's too cold and wet outside to go swinging and sidewalk chalk drawing.

I want to go back to yesterday. please.

Airplane would have been funnier if I wasn't so distracted.

funny

Funny how little things keep adding up
Funny how guilt can pull me down
Funny how lives keep truckin, even if yours has stopped
Funny how people so diferent can get along so well
Funny how drinking is associated wth a good time
Funny how fast clutter can creep up on you
Funny.. huh.

The Greatest Story Ever Told

Star Wars.
I have to say, the plot is pretty good. but I don't know if its been hyped too much. Because when things have been hyped too much, I start looking for all things that are wrong with it. I dunno. Sitting back and thinking about it makes me realise that it is a pretty awesome trilogy... though I have yet to see Return of the Jedi. and I am really curious to see why Anakin does what he does. I think it ruined 4, 5, and 6, knowing that he has good reason to become Vader.

Even if I had watched it as a kid, I think I would have appreciated it less.

The ships remind me of Legos. Legos are awesome.

I'm reasonably excited for Return of the Jedi tomorrow. maybe it'll be everything I dreamed of in a story.

A Thought

"[the artist] had remembered that all men, the healthy ones included, eventually die, and usually with a certain amount of bad grace, but that he, lucky man, is at least being done in by the most stimulating companion, disease or no, he has ever known."

"You wrote down that you were a writer by profession. It sounded to me like the loveliest euphemism I had ever heard. When was writing ever your profession? It's never been anything but your religion. Never... since it is your religion, do you know what you will be asked when you die?... I'm so sure you'll get asked only two questions. Were most of your stars out? were you busy writing your heart out?"

-Seymour, an Introduction

I heart salinger.

it's all happening

This past week has been pretty awesome I must say. I think it's the most i've participated in spirit week. I predict a lot of people are going to keep repeating that it's the last time doing whatever. kinda like "it's our last spirit week.. it's our last homeooming" but you know what? so what? even if its not the last live it up.
Last night was fun. I guess this means I dont' really have anything to look forward to until fall break now.

for pictures:click here

I would have uploaded more.. but I'm at my monthly limit or something.

Things I (re?)learned yesterday:
1. not wearing bras makes you really self conscious
2. women over 25 should not wear skirts more than three inches above the knee (cough walker cough)
3. watching people dance is funny. I bet i'm funny to watch too.
4. slurpees are cheap.
5. pizza breath is worse than chinese food breath.

I watched almost famous last night/today. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed that movie.

"I just wanna go home!

"You are home."

Edit: You know how I said there was some shooting infront of the H-mart on friday? It was Phillip and Ben's (who are cousins) other cousin. I met him once.
I've never been close to deathi i'm still not. the people in my family who've died I wasn't close to.
I'm not supposed to know people who die in stupid cases like this- I'm not supposed to have met them. I'm not supposed to know things like how they have just enough time to kick off their pants before they take a nap. I can't even imagine how his family or his friends are taking it.

Words Words Words

I've decided the internet is a waste of my time that I can't get rid of. Instead of checking blogs and email five million times a day, i'm going to read a chapter of a book everytime I want to procrastinate the homework a little.

Life's been pretty good. It's handed me a lot of stuff on silver platters. I'm not allowed to be angsty and teenagery. I have all that I could want. I was looking around in tok today (it was virtually everyone in IB) and I realised I know a lot of people. some obviously have influenced me more than others, but I wonder how many of them I've influenced? What qualities do I have that make me different? I'm smart.. so are they.. I'm wierd.. so are they...I'm often moody... so are they... My passions are those of other kids. What makes us so different? I dont' know. Maybe this just tells us that the big things don't matter; the small things do.

My parents don't really like being social- they think its a chore... I don't understand that. Other than writing, its the only thing keeping me sane.

This is a list of books I either want to read or i need to finish. Tell me if there's something i should read.

1. SLaughterhouse FIve
2. Fight CLub
3. Caramelo
4. The Brothers Karmozov
5. Bluebeard
6. Running with Scissors
7. through the looking glass
8. Candide
9. The Jungle
10. Frankenstein
11. Bright Lights Big City
12. raise high the roofbeams, Carpenters and Seymour an introduction
13. Anna Karenina
14. Phantom Tollbooth

De-staple

today I took down the majority of my room. I used to have magazine articles about movies, bands and randomity, Movie stubs, concert stubs, quotes I liked, birthday cards, on my walls, plus numerous things hanging from my ceiling. I left those- took down my walls. I realised.. i didn't like or care about half the things that were up anymore.. I wondered how I stapled some of those things.. maybe I shrunk.

Around this time last year my sister moved her empty bookcase into my room.
Aroudn this time this year, I started piling books up on my floor because I don't have any more space.

Yesterday was fun. We're definitely going to do that again.

English class is definitely the highlight of my every two days. It is amazing, I'm glad I had problems with Lane this summer because I got an awesome teacher out of it. I'm excited to actually learn something this year- WIlls is an awesome person.. we just had a lot of dumb kids.

Janet leaves tuesday. The house is going to get reaaaallly quiet after that. I have no one to late-night converse with.

I think we go through several major changes in our lives; puberty, Graduating high school, Graduating College, Marriage, post marriage, there's always losing jobs and crises and maybe divorce- but a lot happens in the first thirty years of our lives. I decided I'm not running through them blind. I dont' want to look forward to imaginary things. I want to look around at the present and find myself mostly content.

I'm not the wierd kid who gets overlooked anymore.

T3h Cockulus

How I hate thee cockulus.
you maketh me want to hurl
with thy vectors and thy crap
why do I do thee
when I am not obligated
Thou art the bane of my sleep
Can I not simply listen
to the czech tones
of tri sestry and
falleth asleep to this
divine sound?
Wherefore Cockulus? Wherefore?


That was an award winning poem. I should submit it to something.

All that 'emo' biznass

I'm a lot more emotional than I like to be. I tell myself I'm not supposed to cry... but I feel like it anyway. I love crying. who said crying doesn't help. The only thing I dont' like is when people pity me or get concerned when I cry. can't I just plop myself down and start wailing for no good reason? Some would say I could... but I can't.. because then people assume something's wrong. maybe there is something wrong.

I was going to do this every half year.. but it's been two months past the half year mark- here goes anyway:

Little things that bring me joy:
1. A finished story
2. orange juice
3. Swings
4. my interpretation of interpretive dancing
5. looking at stars
6. orienting myself to mountains
7. funny noises
8. reading in a (dry) bathtub
9. peaches
10. lying on stomachs
11. holding hands
12. Hugs
13. smell of warm copies
14. inside jokes
15. spinning barefoot on grass
16. midnight
17. funny antics

My sister Janet told me i'm a hopeless romantic... I never thought so before.. maybe.