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Sunday, January 30, 2005

Ten Lb wieghts are attached to my eyelids.

It's not even ten oclock. and I"m exhausted. the work I have to do in the next three days is large in quantity. I don't know if I can do it all. what I really need at the moment is one more day without school so that I can finish everything that I need to before more work piles up. I hsouldn't have wasted yesterday; but it was time well spent.
The Royal Tenenbaums is a rather good movie. probably not one of my all time favorites.. but it's up there with the Kill Bills.
I need to stop wasting time. Thursday on is going to be great.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Once a Loser always a Loser

As much as this past year has changed me. I am still the same person I was two years ago. This is a comforting thought. I fear change; perhaps not everything has changed so much.

I am collecting all the eraser droppings on my desk into a pile.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

overachieving

Over winter break my sister talked me back into applying for summer school. I'm (still) really apprehensive of going. It's going to take up my whole summer. eight weeks, and for two weeks before that starts, I'm going to europe with Lauren and Malorie, so I'm only going to have about five days in good ol' Colorado. It really makes me sad to think that a lot of the people I got to know this year are leaving for college- and I won't see them on an almost day to day basis after my junior year is over. I have a feeling that next year is going to be filled to the brim with nostalgia.
Hopefully, as the stereotype goes, the freshmen to be sophomores (of next year) won't be able to find jobs or internships anywhere, and will come home and waste it with us newly graduated seniors (as of next year)
I think junior year so far has been one of the best years.
here's to things only getting better.

Currently playing; The End is Near- Five Iron Frenzy

Sunday, January 23, 2005

A ten step programme

I'm going to stop procrastinating... better grades and better time-management-so-I-can-go-out-more here I come.

song of the moment; on distant shores.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Smiles are for happy

Something I like to do- alot. is stretch out on either my carpet or on the wood of the kitchen and just listen to the silence.... or rather the ticking of clocks, or whirring of paused cd players and computers. Its a good place to think. I've re-realised (word?) that I love super talks in person about nothing and everything. Perhaps though.... I should unpin my heart from my sleeve and put it back into my chest cavity where it belongs.

I only got two (hopefully one) B's for Semestre 1.. happy day.

CD of the week Bjork; Medulla.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Joy

This weekend will probably end up being one of the best of the year.
Thanks Foote for inviting me (us) up.

20 things that bring me joy:

  1. Cold orange juice
  2. Smell of warm baked bread
  3. facing the rain
  4. bear hugs
  5. warm beds in cold rooms
  6. personal emails
  7. updates
  8. blueberries
  9. thunderstorms
  10. silent snow
  11. Swings at midnight
  12. smell of warm copies
  13. companiable silences
  14. Long putts that go in
  15. warm chipotle
  16. curly hair
  17. first bites of apples
  18. noses
  19. blasting On Distant Shores and singing like a mad woman.
  20. taking off boots after boarding
what are the little things that make your life worthwhile?

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Acceleration

I feel like time is rolling down this gargantuan hill and is picking up speed... and as we grow older we will soon be living our lives in fast forward. Is it too much to ask to live at a nice.. perhaps.. andante? instead of the allegro it's in now?
I set out on a Mission last November. Through Nanowrimo, I would figure things out, get myself straight so I could look at my world in a better way. I realise. I still want to write.. as I have for the past.. 11 years. I realise how disillusioned you can become from one sentence that comes tumbling out of two of your friend's mouths. I didn't appreciate it.
Yes I should be anchored to reality. but can I not live my life with some slack in my tether?

I never liked change much. Especially change that dulls the swirling colors in my world.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

mmm

I'm in the mood for a good concert. I'm feeling restless

Sunday, January 09, 2005

It's the church that's getting rotten, but it's Christ that you've forgotten...

I was talking to kaile today about Christians.
I hate how sometimes, we're so... singleminded, that we can't see around our faith to watch the rest of the world that doesn't have that. I hate that a lot of us sneer in disgust at- lets say gay people, because we think we're better than them- when we're not. We're all of the same mold. No one's perfect and I hate that christians can't seem to grasp that. they, themselves aren't any better than anyone else. We are bettered because J.C. died for us, out of grace. not because we deserved it. And we don't appreciate that. It's more about 'us' than Christ most of the time. I'm disgusted with myself for it. I'm disgusted with the majority of christians for it.
While the Bible says to evangelise, it says to Glorify God. I think the latter should be the priority. I'm sick of hypocritical christians that don't have the mind to filter come of what is told to them instead of simply taking it in like vacuums, the right and the wrong alike. I'm also sick of people who aren't into christianity bashing on my religion and being acceptant of other religions that they dont' necessarily belong to. why should you be hating on Christiany because it's mainstream?

Disclaimer: this wasn't meant to offend anyone in particular... although it is good to be offended occasionally if you are.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

sushi

You are no better than me
I am a roll, not unlike sushi
of insecurities and pride
hope and frustration
you are the same as me
perhaps they switched
my salmon out for your tuna
but essentially, the same.
All about to be eaten
by giant with redwood sized chopsticks.

that.. was bad poetry, of the 2 minute kind. and Ian, I'm ready to see if Kazu's better than Sonoda's.

Piano Man by Billy Joel fits with my mood at the moment.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Beginnings

Beginnings are creatures of change. We don't always welcome it, but it happens infront of closed eyes before we accept what's happened. By then, It has moved on on cat like feet to leave us to it's offspring; the same, yet uncomfortably different. Beginnings are dashing, because of the uncertainy that it arrives arm in arm with; whereas, middles are boorish and endings are wretchedly nostalgic. Only when we are able to let go of the past and leave it as the past instead of the now we can start a new beginning. We never see it coming. Change jumps, clutching our heads and crawling through and oraface to the brain where its tantrums pain us until we awknowledge it. Despite our dislike for Beginnings, we smile secretly. The thrill has begun.

I enjoy Lit club a lot, I respect Murph as a writer and a teacher, and I feel I could learn a lot from her. Writing is my passion, no matter how disfunctional I may seem at it...

Song of the moment, The World You Love, Jimmy Eat World.