Inadvertent Caffeine

I drank a can of coke, and a Arizona Black and white tea (which is super tasty). I forgot that either have caffeine in them. but i suppose they did me well since.. i have yet to start my Spanish response. Which, I'm spectacularly happy about being in that class. Now I have to decide between Education 143 (Teaching English) and Architecture 170B (History of Arch. 1400 through present)They're oth time consuming in different ways. One's with Sharla, the other is with half of FiCB.

It's interesting to note how work gets done in different organizations. there always has to be an initiator in all processes. On that note, we have a new Publicity Coordinator. Marta is amazing... better than I had hoped.

It happened so fast this semester. there was no time to slack off. just go go go, and already we're having to write papers and annotate bibliographies for future papers and interview teachers and things of this nature. Where did the time go?

I'm going to sleep by 2:45. er.. maybe.

it's too early for to do lists

This semester isn't quite that enjoyable right now.. despite the fact that I like all of my teachers.

A real post soon. Tomorrow perhaps

Find/Read Architecture book
Write Dash article
Read John Dewey/response paper
Read Sp poem/response paper
Find research topic for Architecture
Contact Sponsors (again)
Stat problem set
Read "In an Antique Land"
Scholarship essays
Apply for internships

So Cold

There's going to be a lot of work this semester.

I don't feel like writing right now. I'll finish this later.

but... I still exist... I suppose.

onwards and forwards

I've just come back from a ski trip with Dan, Sharla, Robert, Dianna, Donovan and Kevin which was fun, and a good relaxation time. I'm also just about to head off on an all FICb retreat from Friday to Sunday which should be as good, and even more of a vacation from emails and the stress of making sure everything is run smoothly and securely for this upcoming semester. That hopefully nothing goes wrong, and if it does, there was nothing else I could do about it.

My right shoulder is sore. For the first time in about two years I fell hard coming off the lift. Once, it was because Robert's pole was planted right in front of my board, the second time, was because of pure stupidity or the rental board or something. I don't know.

I just... want this semester to go smoothly. very smoothly.

Hope is a very good motivator, and also sometimes very unsatisfactory. I never finished my Dash article. Perhaps the church retreat will help.

goes on and on, yes it does

I'm in a bit of a quandry. I don't know what to do about writing anymore. I can't write. Janet Burroway says that writers block doesn't exist. it's existence depends on fear. Fear of writing something that you want to , or perhaps need to write. I don't think that's it. I feel like Richard Madoc who's mind is so blank that he has to rape a muse (Calliope, the muse of epic poetry) in order to write anything at all... and of course it's good. except I don't have a muse to rape- nor would I rape her if I did.
I don't know what to do with the rest of my three days here. Time doesn't match up like it should. I should have started earlier- how did I know I was going to say that? I guess I should know myself by now.
I'm ready for this upcoming week- where I can get away from all of this crap work that I have to do, but somehow I know it will be worse as soon as I get back.
Janet tells me maybe I should re-evaluate my priorities. Maybe I should. Maybe I will. apparently my mother thinks I'm losing focus. that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
In an email with the subject line "its not too late" Yakov sends me the latest entry in Stanley Fish's blog: "Will the Humanities save us?" and while i disagree innately with his arguement. I can't help but think that perhaps he is right. He says "To the question “of what use are the humanities?”, the only honest answer is none whatsoever" ( http://fish.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/01/06/will-the-humanities-save-us/). He continues to state that this answer "brings honor to the subject" i don't know. can I justify to myself something that has no use? I don't see any other way.

"...But where do you go to, my lovely? when you're alone in your bed.."

Vomit you out

I am avoiding my Ballroom email box tonight... i hope i haven't left whatever off for too long. and i must finish calling my sponsors.
I think things are always harder in my head than it seems. yesterday i had a sequel dream, i can't remember much of the first. only that yesterday I was being chased along with others in some sort of zeppelin that looked like a flying blow up raft that runs with a motor and gasoline for apparently ~25 teddy bears of varying size(perhaps the teddy bears weren't in fact important, and were instead hiding, i don't know, cocaine or something.) The scariest part i think of my dream was that underneath the house we were escaping from, was about twenty flights of downward stairs, at the bottom of which, there was an escalator... where another family lived and here were these teddy bears in this lost basement of sorts it was all very secretive and hollywood like. I apparently also had to pack lighter than I had, and I was forced to leave mountain of clothing and things behind in the scary lady's house. Perhaps my dream is telling me to leave personal baggage behind (or figure out what is leave-behindable) and to instead go save the ...teddy bears... from impending doom and misuse. I don't know where this stuff comes from.
When I was at my sister's church today, the pastor was talking about mediocrity. Particularly Christian mediocrity. the key passage being "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will vomit you out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:16). Apparently there are two rivers in Laodicea, one cold and one from the hot springs which meet and merge in order to create a new river of no value, where as the two previous had purpose. Even if my purpose is to save the teddy bears, I should do it knowing that that is my purpose and that is the best I can do at this moment. God gave me gifts and talents right? i should be using them?
My immediate future for both this semester, and this summer are at this moment very nebulous. I don't know what will happen to me. I'm unsure about everything from whether what I'm doing currently is right, to whether or not I can get a job this summer, to even the smallest things of extra curriculars and friends and how much time i should be spending on these things.
I worry too much. And there is so much to do that I shouldn't be leaving for tomorrow, but that will have to do. I think there's a to-do list coming. Oh yes. first of 2008 (it's going to be great according to my dentist)

To-Do:
1. Look up and apply to at least 10 scholarships (preferrably more)
2. Fix Resume
3. Look up and apply to at least 8 internships for the summer, both paid and unpaid
4. Look at notes from meeting last thursday, and finish that stuff
5. Write Dash article
6. go to CO ski and Golf and look at travel bags for snowboards.
7. finish contacting sponsors

There are two things I want to try to do everyday this week starting tomorrow:
- floss once daily
- read my bible.

onwards and forwards. I'm going back in a week.

Murble.

Right now I wish I had done more work over the past week, so that it isn't catching up with me. However, logically, I know that even if I had.. there's always more work to be done. I need to start writing my Dash article, and calling sponsors...

I think I'll go swing dancing instead