When the need comes around.

I think I'm going to try the old fashioned paper journal approach- You'd assume I'd be able to write more freely there- but I have this paranoia that someone is going to find it (where it's sitting on my desk) and look through it- so i write everything vaguely and don't have any space to reflect- but I do that here too. There is no difference.

I don't know.

I might be back in a week.

I'm in one of those moods where I want to curl up in a big chair with a mug of something and stare out at the rain, or a sunset/rise- but there is no rain/sunset/rise and no time to curl up into big chairs.

I have to move along and run around in circles- because that's what I expect out of myself.

"I'm never going to be good enough for you am I?"

I guess it's present buying season.

And knowing that... I'm almost broke- Ian's birfday, Janet's birfday, Yang's birfday in February, screw March and mine, my mother's, Charlie's, (Hannah and Vince too) Foote's and Taifur's in April... and then School is done... done done done done done done done done.


I spent today sleeping... I ate some pizza...watched some crap and then fell back asleep ont he couch... and then ate dinner.. I am a bum. remember that brand of clothing? I used to have a pretty awesome sweatshirt as a kid from that company.

According to I-tunes, my most listened to song is 'The Silent Enigma' but I bet if it counted the songs I listen to in my car and in my bathroom... it wouldn't be- then again it might be 'opener' by Jimmy just because the first verse plays probably five times a morning due to my snooze hitting.

golf is starting! and I'm not going to be the only senior.. take THAT Alison and Amanda... who never read this anyway. Coach Steenrod is pretty awesome..

I'm really tempted to skip Denver Rescue Mission for Lit Club on Tuesday.... should I? hrmmmm....

Happy birfday Yesterday Joe- I hope I made it happier and not un-happier.

Going on a Date with Rabah Tomorrow (maybe)

"You are lucky to have so many beautiful butterflies around you. be nice to her especially, becuase you never know when she might fly away"

Casablanca is an experience, getting fed by the chef, having my hands washed by chris, the no utensils business, the amazing food, belly dancing, and races to finish the oranges. I'd say the money was worth it.

Tonight was pretty damn fun- swing dancing with himanchu, definitely the highlight of the dance. makes me miss my Texas boys.

I wanna cook more often, or rather, make things with food more often.

I wanna learn to belly dance

I wanna get into better shape

I wanna learn how to crump


My dad doesn't understand the beauty of waking up early for the simplicity of watching the sun rise from a place that's pretty amazing. pretty amazing. pretty amazing.

First Try

I think its okay for not knowing what to do with a brush.

Nothing changes.

Ben Ildae Lim- one word comes to mind- fresh- like toothpaste. He's got college, the Yummies, his other job with MusicLink, and yet manages time to talk to scrunts like me. He's got it happening.

Steinbeck is good, not great. Tortilla Flat... not really interesting me right now.

I'm really tempted to keep Watchmen for myself instead of giving it away. V for Vendetta was pretty awesome.

My mood is vastly better than it was at the beginning of the year.

Snowflake Shake.. eh.... eh.... fine I'll go.... eh...

I realise I still have Ned's We.

"Really.. we only have like three weeks left"

"Can you see when you laugh?.. I can't."

feels good.

I peed for about half a minute... it was amazing.

and then I knocked my foot into a door and I think I might have wokien up my dad... not so amazing.

Iso

There's something special about seeing people by themselves. They're not trying to impress anyone, and it seems like they're taking a lot more time to think about things. What things? anything, life, God, crayons.

Last sunday I peeked into the sanctuary before the College Ministry and Peter was there playing his guitar, singing his heart out. Just sitting on the edge of the platform and jamming with God. Today at Chipotle, as I was leaving, one of the workers had a burrito bol filled with mango slices.. I don't know where she got the mango, but she was enjoying them. It was pretty sweet.

I like wasting time with myself. I don't get to do it very much, because I often regard it as time not well spent. I could be seeing people I don't get to see much outside of school, or I could be doing that thing... you know.. that one thing that needs to be done by soemtime soon, but not tomorrow?

Over break I was going to see Kong by myself, my dad insisted on coming along even though he didn't want to see it. I don't like knowing the person next to me isn't enjoying the movie. I think that's one of the reasons I like to be alone- I always worry whether whoever's with me is enjoying themselves...

I think I'd like to go back into cherry creek state park- I haven't been there since we went for Bio Sophomore year.

This weekend:
Brokeback mountain,
possible church lock in,
boarding?
cutting yangs hair?
Mercury cafe?

I call BS

So today I went to poetry club, a little awkward, because I don't really know anyone there. There's a lot of talent out there. Its all slam style, rather sweet, but what happened to the sestinas and the pantoums?
Andres fed me a bit of bullshit though- saying no one is better than anyone else. There will always be a ranking system-- maybe somethings are incomparable...but screw that.

I think one of my favorite parts of the week is coming up with ideas for lit club.

"He didn't want to get lost in the woods. So he made a very small forest, with just one tree in it"

Your time will come

I'll be feeling the pains of not doing anything this weekend tomorrow.
I think I just saw my clock move backwards an hour.

Matt Lockermann is going to end up a tragic footnote on the page of Ian and Josh.

an hour an a half for over four months of barely talking cannot be enough.

MTV is scandalously shallow. "I want my own kelly clarkson!" okay.. we'll audition people who don't mind pretending to be someone else just so that they can get some ass. I think I lost a lot of neurons watching that channel this weekend.

I didn't get to see slam poetry ..le sigh... maybe next time.

You're not You anymore.

I don't know what happened this week. off moods everyday, unmotivated to do anything. Sorry to those of you who dont' want to hear it, but its not that time of month. I have no excuse. I'm not supposed to be crabby and easily pissed off.

I definitely caught myself in the act of immortalizing the people I don't see anymore. All their sins have washed away and all I can see is goodness. somewhere deep down, i know that's not true. They're People, jessica, remember that. They're not going to fix you.

All other times seem better than now, whether that's past or future.

I lost Bluebeard somewhere on Tuesday. There was an amazing doodle by sidney in it. What a freaking talented girl. And I wanna finish that book.

I'm in a mood for no reason. help me out.

I probably shouldn't post this.

"There's something wrong with that blood; I can see it."

:o(

I can't finish a chipotle anymore.


le sigh.

you're what you own

Its very apparant that most people are motivated at this period in time- its a new year which means a "blank slate" and time to self actualize.

I'm giving up on everything. I'm never going to be tidy, I'm never going to have pretty handwriting (might I admit to testing out the 3rd grader's writing tablet i got for festivus?) and I'm never going to be eloquent.

however, I think my Brown interview went well- better than my columbia one.

The news really makes me sad these days. No wonder I didn't read it for so long.

Humphrey Bogart is a badass.

You never said I couldn't do it... maybe I said it to myself.