Good Bye 2004

What a year of change. And a year of return. I can't say I remember everything that happened this year, of course there are mistakes, disapointment and despair, and of course there are good times, but most of all, I think I've grown a lot more comfortable with who I am this year, even if I still have shortcomings, and will always have short comings


Events that stand out the most. (in some semblance of order)
The church fiasco
the shrek 2 disaster
My first AP Tests,
Parties at kaile's...especially the dance off.
hanging out in kyle's basement
Diana coming down from IN
Mexico
English class/falling out of chairs/the flow
hanging out infront of the ssrc
the game/resenting rubenstien
the inevitable IM conversation/halting of third hour lunches
the night of Roxy's .5 birfday

special thanks to-
the people who have kept me sane:
Eunice
Ian
Ildae
Ilene
Janet
Jen
Kaile
Kaitlin
Kyle
Lauren


here's to the New year.. may it be even better than 2004.

It's New Years Eve and I'm full of empty promises... just like last year

There's something melancholy about New Years Resolutions... you make them to better yourself, and most of the time fall completely short of them... well here's to them anyway, old and new

1. I am NOT better than anyone; be more humble.
2. Actually start that one novel... you know, that one that you always say you'll start? kill all plot bunnies instead of the other way around- rather, actually have a plot.
3. learn to sew... not for self betterment, but just for fun...
   
4. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

"This New Years Eve, something must change me inside, I'm crooked and misguided, and tired of being tired. this New Years Eve I'm waiting for tomorrow, my heart is on my sleeve and yes I still believe in you..."

fear

There's something heart wrenching about writing a short story and knowing you're going to show it to someone who has never seen your work before. You don't know how they're going to react, whether they'll like it hate it or even worse, have that completely blank stare on their face as they finish. It didn't mean anything to them.

"I've got a story, it's almost finished
all I need is someone to tell it to,
maybe, that's you..."

poor mimes

I now know that feeling that spies occasionally get in movies, when they're nailed into a large wooden crate and are being shipped off somewhere and they aren't exactly sure where they're going.
Execept my crate wasn't so large... nor was it wooden.
There's something distinctly disorienting about folding yoruself into a box and then having -I think- five people carry you into the school.
Good thing I'm not claustrophobic, Kinda would suck to be a mime, stuck in a box... forever-- ten minutes is okay... more than an hour would suck.

circles

You wonder what's missing
from that spot, there, in your soul
You've got God
You've got smarts
and yet, there's a hole
gaping wildly swallowing more away
Alone in the room
sprawled out across
scratchy carpet
Listening to bands
who can't play
You feel unable
to measure up
you care so much
you don't care at all
let out a wretched screech
and collapse, sagging against the floor
Cry in your heart
never on your face
Dreams will never come true
You'll have to settle
medeocrity wins again

women suck

I think it's lame how us girls use guys for affection. We don't think anything of it- maybe they do. We're just a bunch of attention whores. I'm sick of it.
Get a life.

I feel it in my fingers...

I can't say I dislike CHristmas, and I can't say I like it either. I love the general atmosphere of serenity (except inside the mall) and usually people are happier aroudn this time of year I hate how commercial christmas is, even at church. maybe we should all just hang out with the important people and enjoy cookies and movies. And if there's snow enough, whitewashing people and snow fights.
My three (5?) favorite chirstmas movies;

Edward Scissorhands
Love Actually
The Lord of the Rings (FOTR, TTT, ROTK)

what are your favorites?

crazy

why is it that the yellow and the black crayons are always the ones to disappear? why couldn't it be the metal tones that I never use? jeez...

It's everybody, I mean. Everything everyone does is so - I don't know- not Wrong, or even mean, or even stupid necisarily. But just so tiny and meaningless and-sad making. And the worst part is, if you go bohemian or something crazy liek that, you're conforming just as much as everybody else, only in a different way...
I feel so funny... I think i'm going crazy. Maybe I'm already crazy

mergphh

I hate the week just after a long vacation. It makes school that much more foul.

I'm gonna go broke from christmas presents.

Lord of the Rings; the Return of the King the extended version comes out on dvd december 14th.. w00t.

Yay for disjointed blog entries

the aftermath of feasting

I really enjoyed thanksgiving. perhaps it was simply a need to gorge myself on food. despite challenging my cousin was a disapointment (he was too drunk) trivial persuit and damn dan's friend dan thwarting my everlasting plans for a pie... *shakes fist* ah.. T2... the perfect end to that day, hanging out with my friends, although i wish there had been less 'lets tickle jpark' and more random dancing... and kaile... somehow days feel empty without her, and i'm sure i've said that many times.
for an almost full list of what i'm thankful for, go to my xanga

and sorry to certain persons for not knowing that this blog was blocking anonymous comments. comment away.

It's coming.... dun dun dun...(T-day of course)

50,000 words.. and i've got about.. 45000 left to write in a little more than a week.. i dont' think it's going to happen. I can sure as hell try though.

blargh

all my poems are the same. and i tend to like the phrase 'in the end.'
I should learn more structures like villanelles and pantoums and sestinas and such so that i can become a better poet.
not a fan of that girl's poem from night of stars

Slightly shocked

I need to get away from certain people, to whom I said after reading something of theirs that I wouldn't get freaked out, but that was impossible. It's very ... disturbing to me the ways in which the ladder theory can manifest itself.

I'm going to see if i like this better than xanga-