Goodbye Sky Harbor

I met up with ozzie today and got a free dinner out of it from all them crazy stanford kids getting a little cater action from Chevys.. otherwise.. the week's been pretty standard. That was a little taste from home. I'd forgotten how long it's been since i've seen him- since rabah's party in June. wow.

I've been hanging out with the kids on my floor a lot more.. late at night when we don't want to disturb the dustbunnies with our obnoxiousities- life is squinting-into-the-sunset-good right now.
I hung out kinda with the freshmen at my church yesterday- it was kinda cool.. but really obnoxious in the fact they know me less than even the people here... oh well... i guess that's what happens....

i should be figuring out my essay right now. erggghh..

I haven't walked and read in a long time. it's kind of refreshing- I get sucked in by the methodicalness of my footsteps.. yeah. :) I like books that pull me in.

i need to vacuum my room or learn how to work in here. it's really disturbing how my bed jsut calls to me... i never worked in my bedroom at home... i guess that may be why. the bed was never available for me to sleep in near my work... the word 'vacuum' looks really funny if you stare at it for a long time. like 'bluer'

should i climb into bed? perhaps. shoudl I do work? definitely yes.

everyone these days seem to be cat people more than dog people... weird.. maybe californians are jsut cat people too. maybe there's a big correlation.

Better in Black and White?

My mittens are sitting next to me and i feel like i'll never have the occasion to wear them.

I like hearing stories of how my friends' lives are getting better- they make me more optimistic.

I've been in a truthful mood lately- straight and blunt. I don't know if it's doing me any good or what, but i can understand myself and lay out my morals and my thought processes better i think. I think it's helping my relationships with people too and making me less of a manipulative, stereotypical female.

some guy on the street sullied the word 'beautiful' today. it's okay... all good things will be misused. people's park intrigues me, and yet i'm afraid to explore it closer.. perhaps with a friend.

my desk is a black hole.

and my posts are really random. that's okay..

oh i found a church. KCPC in SF is pretty awesome- the pastor sermons a little differently but it's interesting. I fell like i can really grow there versus flounder and doubt and judge as I attend.

I'm finding that people back home mean a lot to me. people here are great and a good change. but people at home understand. it's like- getting rid of an old easy chair because it's tattered and just time for it to go , and then realising as you sit in the new one that you miss it.

Change is when you realise something's the same but different.- Delirium said something like that. Things are changing- bring on the rain, the fork in the road, the wise crone or any of your other imagery of rebirth and change and it goes smack dab over the present right now.

I'm changing ever the same

I was reading the entirety of this blog the other night... and I haven't changed much in the past two years. jsut cycles of ups and downs. and then just now, I went back to my xanga and read an entry I put in on August 30th of 2003. It was a survey where you use the lyrics of one band to describe yourself. funny how those things haven't changed- and how Jimmy Eat World is still amazering.

Life is really confusing.

I change my mind. life is a cycle of ups and downs but each of those have their own ups and downs

"I will pray with the spirit and I will pray with the mind also; I will sing with the spirit and I will sing with the mind also." 1 corinth. 14:15

I really need to find myself a church.

"You can't catch me, i'm the stinky Cheese man!"

Life has been moving by really fast. that conversation with Rabah six hours ago seems like days. I haven't seen my family in years, and I haven't been to a class for weeks. you know? it's just moving- mesmerizing like double dutch ropes and I'm trying to jump in.. drop those tricks and get spit back out again- but I think i tangle the ropes but the people spinning the ends just keep spinning anyway.

I think that's why i like movies so much. They slow me down. it's a moment in time where I can be sucked into something slower than my version of time.

don't you hate it when you think something you said was original- or at least not something you've come across in your lifetime if you're into the whole- nothing's original anymore- and then you re re-reading or re-watching something and you realise it's not yours. but theirs? ugh. I don't like that feeling makes me feel like a user- an old rag.

I want to write. but there hasn't been anything that i've caught or that has caught me. I should be writing my canterbury tales essay- which shouldn't be that bad.. i just have a block right now. oh well i have til friday.

I realised that I have to make other people happy or other people have to be happy for me to be happy myself or else i start worry abotu their unhappiness... I wish i didn't have to do that. Life would be so much easier if I didn't go out of my way to make things better.


three of my five paragraphs start with 'I' when did I get so ego centric? i guess that's what a blog is- talking about myself.

talk like a pirate day was reasonably sucessful- i got a lot better at it than the past three years.

I want life to slow down.

Happy Talk like a Pirate day to ye Land Lubbers!

glorious

I climbed a tree today. it was glorious- and everything.

we also played night frisbee with glowsticks and that was glorious too..

a quote from Franny and Zooey:

"I don't know what good it is to know so much and be smart as whips and all if it doesn't make you happy."


overall, today was a good day.

I'm being a girl today

sometimes I get urges to wear skirts for no reason. and I feel like I've worn tee shirts and jeans for so long that whenever i do end up wearing something a little nicer it's a big change for me. eh. oh well.. when have I ever outwardly cared what people think of me?

Yesterday I looked at the moon. and did aero-yoga. it was peaceful and nice. I want to get more flexible. it's really sad that I can't touch my toes- but in my defense even though my hammies are tight, my quads are not. but yes. that is one of my goals this year that I'm going to follow through on.

I love you I love you I love you.

oooh.. healing circles.

Interesting moods revisited

I'm in that placewhere i miss people from home- i miss homecooked meals.. hanging out in my bathroom, in my car, in other people's rooms or wherever... and especially the late night park nights which i didn't get very many of this summer. at all.

i wanted to go out and look at the start the other nigt. there were too many clouds. The Berkeley sky is oarngish at night.. it's kinda cool.. and kinda messed up at the same time. recently i've had the urge to go to red rocks pre-dawn and watch the sun rise.

but things here are going really well. Ballroom is fun- although the whole switching partners thing- I met some interesting people- ineterseting in that i don't really ever want to dance with them again. good thing I've got Brandon as a partner already. I feel dumb in classes... ut I hate feeling like the smartest person in the clas stoo.. so I guess it's good.. i'm really inarticulate... i hope it gets better. I used the word 'good' a lot. okaaay... so.... yeah.

It makes me sad that people aren't having as swell (trying to avoid good) of a time as I'm having. as the beatles say "we can work it out- but there's no tiiiiiime for fussing and fighting my friends" but i wish i coudl be there for you- and be that person that's concrete and solid- not jsut words on a computer screen or a voice over the phone. but someone to hold onto. and I can't be. Maybe i need to turn the empathy down a little- but still. i can't help it.

The weekend is here.

I'm listening to Apollo Sunshine- and I remember why i liked them so much a couple of years ago. kinda machine go boom ish but less crazy.

"The birthday wish you missed me blow out came true when i fell asleep next to you"

I have that half smile on my face. but it's nap time.

my Feet are permanently black

I think Ballrooming barefoot and playing frisbee barefoot has ruined the 'prettiness' of my feet.

it's funny how when your fingers are cold, you can't type as fast.. actually..that's probably a given.. but still... it's obnoxious.

I had a weird dream last night about basically everything... somehow Bowles(the all guys dorm) turned into some sort of boarding school and we were waltzing and I was waltzing with some guy that Kyle hated but was still outwardly friendly to... though i have no idea what he looked like other than he was blonde... and well.. I don't know... it was weird.

I think my more melancholy in the morning than at night... why is it AT night and IN the morning or afternoon? i hate how english never makes sense. but yeah. i think i'm going to fulfill my plan of going to that yes, That tree and read in it.. god knows i have a lot of chaucer to read... and history for that matter.

I think since I've been here i've gotten a lot better at rambling.. I dont' know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.. but now I feel longwinded and like words aren't a big deal..i guess that means i'm getting over korea... which i was speaking korean to my parents yesterday.. and it sucks....

My desktop is a picture of Rabah. Makes me miss home and driving to see people.. and Chipotle... the one on Telegraph isn't open yet.. ergh.

Thank you to the person who left me a poem- it made me smile and I like smiling at things.

Life goes on.