so it begins.

This thing has become more and more decrepit as time goes on. I should probably just stop blogging all together, just like everyone else, considering, Rabah... and maybe Eric are the only ones who read this anymore. but just because it doesn't have content doesn't mean that it doesn't still have myself enmeshed into it. I guess it's a little piece of Jessica if anyone ever wants some. Maybe that's why I miss reading people's blogs. it's the fast and easy way to keep in touch, or feel like you're still in touch (even if you're not). It's kinda shady. makes me feel like a voyeur, but not in regards to sex, but in regard to other people's lives. I think that might be worse. more personal depending how much they encrypt and how much is blatant.

I'm back into a Neil Gaiman fix. read/watched Stardust, i think it's one adaptation I don't mind, even if the CG was a bit... CG-esque, but I suppose it's that sort of fantasy. They did a good job of turning the book into something movie-able. Finishing Anansi Boys, and then going to quickly read golden compass before I have to start reading the Shakes, or something else for epanish or 45c. Espero que esta chica "Mayra" es tan chida como Dan, o por lo menos como Mary.

Dance party yesterday, need some new moves. learned that "hyphy" was dead. Saw Church kids today, that really made me feel like school was starting.

gonna go back to reading.. as if I won't be doing that for the next 15 weeks...

Summer's over in three days.

I finally have a pair of sunglasses that pass the cheek test! took me long enough. damn my super pudgy cheeks and my infant like lack of a bridge on my nose... but i like them. a lot.. birfday present from Jen, who gave me a gift card.

Final tomorrow. I think ill do okay. hopefully really well, so I can get an A- in the class.

someone is playing blues outside my window... it's not bad, kinda makes me want to go to Friday Night Blues in SF... but I don't have the time, or the money for that. I want to try and get some of my church friends to learn how to lindy or something, it would be fun to go to a club in a big group.

I saw a girl today wearing a Darfur shirt like it's a brand name... i can't decide whether that disgusts me or not.. i think part of me hates it and is repulsed by it, and the other part of me thinks that making human rights causes into fashion statements sells whatever it is you're selling to raise money, and therefore, you get more money for the cause? I don't know.

I say por eso a lot when I speak in Spanish... maybe I shouldn't... becuase it's not direct cause and effect statements and such. I dunno.

I raise my glass to the last days of summer... and Yang coming tomorrow!

Deathly Hallows, Brownies, Ballroom

Harry Potter is interesting. I've noticed for the last three books, that I enjoy them after I've let them marinate a while. initially, it's entertaining, and just that. but later, it's nice to see I can appreciate them on a level that's at least somewhat deeper than that. 7... I'm not sure yet, i think I have to read it another couple of times before I can really say whether I dislike it or like it. I don't think I hate it.. but it isn't my favorite either. she's stepping away from black and white, but then again.. she's becoming more hollywood with Snape, and Hermione and Ron.... I won't say more until later.

Been making batches of brownies with David and tweaking the Alton Brown recipe to make it better. apparently they're better cold.. but they're always gone before it gets there. another batch tomorrow.

I wish there were more time to read.

should I be a Spanish minor?

I HAVE INTERNET!!!!!!

yayyy... I need to pull a Ben though and tape all my wires so they're not right infront of my door... and get like ten jagillion surge protectors. how many things can you plug into one plug thingy safely? I don't know. but I think i'm going to find out soon.

I used to like shopping. Slightly dissapointed in Safeway... but the Berkeley Bowl... yayyy... its like...producegasm. I bought something called a Mango Nectarine.... it was super expensive.. but I had to try it. I didn't believe my mom when she said food was expensive.. uy. I know why she's said that. I blame it on the produce.

I shoudl be at practice. but I'll start going this up coming week once things get settled in.

Back In Berkeley

I can see Sausalito and the Golden Gate Bridge from my apartment. I like to eat dinner on my floor (becuase I don't have chairs)with my door sized windows open watching the sun set. my apartment is way cool.. and seems... bigger when all my stuff is in it.. wierd huh? like when it's empty and just feet of carpet, you don't really get the sense that all your stuff (and Rubals) can fit into that measly 480 square feet.. but it's so worth it. I'm just glad they don't make you pay more for the view.

I've decided to stop using plastic bags, and carry/fill my own cloth totes. usually the cashiers give you strange looks, but it's nice- like I'm sure that my bag won't rip and send everything falling through.

I have no shelving, no drawers, but I do have a really awesome kitchen space. small.. but awesome... partly becuase of mom... partly because of Eric...

Hopefully, once I start dancing again, all this work for Ballroom will start to pa off, and I'll enjoy it again.

I need internet. yesterday I got lucky and somehow accessed Airbears (school network) from my bed. not so lucky today. so I'm sitting infront of our (locked) library... kinda sketchy... but it'll do.

I love this place.. but I miss colorado's people. :(

so much stuffffff to dooooooo

Ugh. so I come back from Chicago and suddenly a gajillion (and that's a lot) of things start popping up that I have to do. People to call, places to go, things to pack, emails to write...

it seems like we're not much closer to getting social class space than we were three weeks ago. it's so frustrating.

I need another day. I should have bought my books for the summer before I went to Chi-town. how stupid of you Jessica.

I wish I were in Argentina.

"Flew over Alaska... "

not really.. just the good ol' Midwest.

Leaving tomorrow, gonna be back on sunday. I said I'd see a lot of people again.. which is goign to be crazy.

I should be buying my books already for class, huh.

okayyy focus on packing.. why does my room always look like a hurricane's blown through it post-packing?

'nother short post.

I'm really thirsty.

my jaw is infected... sexy eh?

I'm back on antibiotics, couldn't eat yesterday, played ultimate today- almost died for lack of breath.... i don't know whether that's two weeks of doing nothing but sit on my ass, or whether that's because my body's stressed out from infecction.

I have this habit of stretching out words when I type them. is it annoying?

short post.

I feel gross.

drink up me hearties

I've had a full week. I love being home. but as always I feel a pull between spending time with my parents... even if we're just in the house together. and going out with friends... which always happens to cost money (which I'm trying to save) so... yeah. also have to keep track of when everyone's leaving and see them before they do.

Life is pretty good right now. I saw Pirates yesterday and bakes cookies with Kaitlin... thought it was pretty good except for the giant Tiadalma... and I totally called a whole bunch of plot devices throughout the series. hung out with Sharla and Cindy in Boulder, Red Robin and B&N with Joyce (where I proceeded to buy a book [Amazing adventures of Kavelier and Clay] she had been recommended.. got to talk to Eric, starbucks with Rabah, ultimate...

I like home because everything is safe, and how it used to be. maybe it's that I don't really meet new people here.. or I don't really have to see people I dont' want to see... but it's nice. v. different from Berkeley- where I don't know (most) people. it'll change. Can you have two homes? Berkeley feels like home, it feels permanent. but Denver feels familiar. like I can navigate it with my eyes half shut and be fine. Like the skies should always look this big and different all the time. and the mountains should always be visible and recognizable.

I want to see Wicked...

So my top teeth are fine.. but my lower jaw is still swollen and funky.. and i feel like I can't close my mouth, because i'lll bite into my cheeks or sometime... and my mouth feels really small.. and immobile. I want to eat crunchy things.

I'm getting out of this house tommorrow, for sure. Alison's graduation party, possibly some disc. and then church and possibly Boulder on Sunday. I just have to get my parents to stop worrying.

I'm coming to realise that I probably shouldn't start working the day after I get back to Berkeley, and I should give myself time to set up things like internet and electricity and stuff... ehh.... no. I like working. Makes me feel like i'm doing something useful, even though I'm not quite sure I'm doing things right.

Being stuck at home makes me realise how boring I am. I sit on my computer, or I watch movies or cartoons or something.. and I still want to eat crunchy things.

I've been rereading American Gods- I don't know why but I think it's the one-liners that always get me, whether it's in a song, book or movie, It's those little glimpses of wit and insight that get me... then of course there are always the ones that try but never quite get there. But Neil Gaiman always manages to.

Wicked in Denver's sold out, but hoepfully, oneday it'll get to SF, and I can go see it there.. and maybe Rent one more time, and maybe phantom too. i could go on.

I want to drive and drive and not go anywhere.

Okay my lists are getting a little bit ridiculous.. i know.

Buttt.... one more. Things to do before I leave CO

1. POTC with Kaitlin
2. Wisdom teef
3. Ultimate?
4. Tea and Crumpets?
5. CHipotle (old one of course)
6. Starbucks with Rabsies
7. see "the group" (sorta)
8. See joe, Yang, Lauren, Anandi, Ildae, Alison... and other who don't fit into "the group"
9. golf with the pops
10. golf with the foote? / wills? /ady?
11. noodles with Kaile
12. swing dancing?

sounds good so far. I may have wasted a day by slouching around the house.. which i get to do for the next week or so when I'm drugged up and will have cabin fever.. one because i don't want people seeing me with chipmunk cheeks.. and two because my mom probably won't let me leave the house.

Then it's back to craziness.

I should probably start forwarding email all into one box... but what's the fun in that?

Home is good so far. My calves are huge (and getting bigger) and I am no where near the flexibility i should be... but that's what watching TV is for- stretching and doing rise/fall exercises. I'm a dork.

I want to see people. I have from the 28th to the 14th. ready... go!

list of joys

it's a little over six months... i said i'd be better about making that deadline. the last one is here
the one before is here
and the first is here

1. late night conversations
2. giving head massages
3. meeting people randomly on the street
4. reverse turns in Samba (done correctly)
5. sriracha
6. inside jokes
7. gchat with rabah
8. cards that really mean it
9. laughter
10. the word "beautiful"
11. thoughts on the concepts of "home" and "love"

this one seems a lot more abstract, or action based, rather than thing based like my last ones.

but that's that.. for now. November 2007 for the rest.

Alex called me an emo kid for having a blog.

so I'm super done and checked out.

which means it's time to start packing.. signing leases... and as Ian says pimping some bitches

there better be tea and crumpet action when I get home- even if everyone has jobs.

I almost slept through my final today.. but it's over with and i never have to read any of this crap again. and I can move onto awesome stuff like Don Quixote, Marquez, Wallace, and other contemporaries... maybe I SHOULD concentrate in spanish lit? would make things easier

I get to eat in sf with Dan (my spanish GSI) que dreamy. jk... my whole class is getting taken out to "lo mejor taqueria en San francisco" it'll be grand. Jaime says that my spanish got a lot better... here's to not forgetting it in a month.

I'm again in a list-y mood. so for the summer- all thing things I never fully got around to:
1. Infinite Jest
2. God of small things
3. Cien Años de soledad
4. McSweeneys Literary Review
5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
6. Transmetropolitan
7. Through the Looking Glass

to start.

i think i'll read some transmet now.

Lists, it always comes back to Lists.

1. English paper rough draft
2. English paper final draft
3. Namesake
4. other linguistic articles
4+. Lost in Translation (eva hoffman)
5. interview transcriptions
6. Linguistics paper planning
7. Linguistics paper first draft
8. Linguistics paper final draft
9. HOUSING (app in)
10. furniture?
11. Storage (thank you eric)
12. Decal faculty sponsor
13. Language War
14. Finish the following:
- BF's Auto
- Epistle to Arbuthnot
- Browning Poems
- Great Expectations
15. mail program
16. Linguistics Review (wed or Fri)


hahh... seems like I'm taking up unecessary space with 3-7 becuase ultimately they're for the paper.. but being able to cross things off makes me feel like I'm getting things doen (plus its all time consuming)

after this next monday, I have to finish all my half read books of the semester. But linguistics paper first.

edit: a gagillion down.. one to go

I seem to be pretty complacent in my last post

can I say now that I'm not? and it's stressing me out a LOT?

housing?
ballroom?
grades?


oishkies. atleast my job is out of the way.

I just want pattern. and good people. seems like at the same time every year I get annoyed.. there's no good word in englihs for it it's just.. too 답답헤 I don't know.

okay jessica. english paper first. then linguistics.

and then life. and hope rubal's doing something with hers.

I have a problem with prioritizing. I tell myself what I should be focusing on most. but I don't seem to want to do it in that order. time to preorder Harry Potter.

I want some away time- I think the reason I like spending time with Eric, is that he's separated from everything bringing me stress. oishkies.

can I sleep forever? maybe things'll be better when monday's over. too long. too long.

but somethings that's been solved, I now work for the sponsored projects office. nice.

pending

I think I might have a job (maybe) otherwise I've been sending out me sadly lacking resumes for office assitant positions across campus. hopefully, hopefully this comes through. but it's really hard to get a job i think when i'll be gone for a month at the beginning of semester.

Hopefully I'll be able to work full time for the summer. that would seriously make my day- if i'm making my own money. I hope in the future, I'll be able to at least help my parents out by paying for utilities in my apartment (which i'm still waiting on) and by paying for vacations, extra stuff and ballroom myself. as soon as I find out how often I can work and how much i'm going to be paid, I'm going to sit down and start saving as soon as the money comes in. I know how fast it can be spent unless I make a concious effort not to.

so. otherwise... the Berkeley Classic is on saturday, boat dance is today and lindy at night is on friday. so lots of dancing this weekend :)... and a lot of work too.

I'm scared for our DeCal, I hope it goes through, I hope we can get a faculty sponsor, and I hope that I get workstudy (and thus dont' have to pay taxes :))

I'm not ready for the competition. but I'm glad things are slowing down extera curricularly for the rest of the semester so I can focus on writing these papers... which... i need to focus on writing these papers.

i wish it came easy to me... but then, doesn't everybody?

things jessica needs to do- get some cardio, build up her ankle strength, as well as her arches, DO HER FREAKING PAPERS, decal, housing, job...

looks like a lot of things are in flux.

EDIT: I have a JOB interview!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) : ):) :):):) okay that's enough.

I want to be able to pop and lock.

I just watched the movement showcase. and well.. yeah.. hip hop is so different from ballroom.. but it's legit in its own right.

I haven't updated in a long time. but... you know.. so it goes.

Recently I watched a movie 'Brick' with Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Noir goodness, with lines lifted straight from Hammett... and.. and... It's gotten into my top five movies.

There's a part in it where he says "you're the only thing I love" and just the concept of that. not even only person. being the sole vessel for the love of one human... who knows whether it was true or not for the character, but... just that thought. Do I want that? hardly... it's too intense for me. but still... some part of me wants it. but alas, such is the power of the movies.

I've the room to myself for the weekend. feels like March again.

Once again I'm updating at a time when I have none (time that is)

my essay has turned into a weird mutated form of a five paragraph essay (growing three feet and a wing) and its pissing me off. I doubt my spanish essay will be much better.

My problem is.. when i fall asleep- i stay asleep.

it feels earlier than it is. a lot earlier- maybe becuase it's still bright outside- and yet it's 7 o clock. Rubal's asleep and my leg is also falling asleep becuase i never use my chair anymore. I want to SEE people i haven't seen other than a passing 'hi' or a 'we'll see eachother later' it's been two or three weeks. but no- i have to get through this weekend first.

hopefully I'll be able to hold it together tonight.

Damn the ballroom comp this weekend.

i'm on a Guster kick

my last night in town and I spend it writing an essay- i can say I have a (i hope) pretty damn good intro paragraph- now i just have to make the rest of my essay as good. I got a lot less work done than I wanted.. but i suppose So it goes.

I like inside jokes.. or at least people who understand you when you reference really obscure things... means you've shared something.

I made dinner with Kaitlin yesterday for ourselves and her parents- they said they had never liked falafels before :) glad we coudl spread the love.- I want to COOK always.. and have the time to make ridiculous gormet meals and feed people.

I saw lots of friends who could be considered "good people" as Kaile woudl say... though I didn't see as many as I could have, but So it goes.

I think my head's on straighter than it has been in a long time. maybe not as straight as i'd still like it to be (i've still got some kinks to work out) but... i think spring break worked out- as much work as there was, I had enough time to relax a little.

I shoudl be collecting my things that i leave across the house... I started saying that Berkeley is home.. and that I'm just coming back to colorado. I think I grew out of this hom faster than my sisters did. maybe that's what it is to be youngest- you get left so often you leave quickly yourself.

I need a deep breath before April starts.

::Deep Breath::

I don't Blog when I'm really enjoying life.

Last week was awesome. It went by too fast though. rabah and I did a lot, but still there's more- planet juice, asia SF, the brazilian stand, cordornices park, etc. you other people should come down to the WEST COAST and hang out. we need love too.
I saw Stanford for the first time in about four years. I think palo alto would be a cool place to hang out, or to discover, but Im glad I didn't get accepted there - I dont' think i would ave been as happy withthe people or with the envoronment as I am at Berkeley. It's funny, thinking of all the schools I've visited and not really feeling like I would be good there. There are some schools like Columbia where I can see that other side, where life would be different but jsut as good, but at the same time... I like Berkeley. I like it a lot. It's a good balance of city, people and school.
So I'm at home. I'm going to need to work really hard. (hence I'm on the internet righ tnow wasting time) hahhh as always. it'll be interesting trying to write a paper from home. It seems so long ago. but that's the plan. English paper, Linguistics interviews, MCB studying, possibly a little bit of spanish studying as well. but mostly the first two.
More recently people have been telling me I act older. I've never been told that I act like how my age tells me I should act- it's always older or younger, but never spot on. I wonder about that. I only have about 20 days left of 18.. (not that that changes much) but.. I don't know. it was such a rush getting to this point- of 18 years of age. but It's not really anything.

what to do on my birthday? hmm...

April's going to be an interesting month- I have to look for housing, a job (oishkies), finish school strong and hope to god that my schedule works out for next year... it's like.. I HAVE to get these specific classes, or else my enitre schedule is messed up.

hopefully my life will seem less in transition after april.. and I have a place to live for the summer. I never did lik ethe mmonth of april- it seems so long in terms of things that need to get done in that short amount of time.

This break I'm hoping to see old friends, and get some good ol work done.

I like snow patrol... and andrew bird.