3 days

as nerdy as it sounds, I'm really looking forward to finding out my ap scores. sadly I lost or misplaced my sheet with my IB pin and stuff so I can't find that out til next year. Funny thing... the kids here are counting down til friday too. We're big dorks... all of us.
I have a lot of down time which I'm sure should be used to do work, but sometimes its not. Surprisingly... I'm more active than I am at home because Its greener around here. but I miss being able to direct myself from the mountains... something I'm sure I'll miss wherever I am.
The food is better than any I've tasted at a college campus.. which isn't saying much, but its decent enough. We had a party yesterday for the girl across the hall becuase it was her birthday out on the lawn infront of our house. We ended up playing extreme grey duck/duck duck goose.. after they made us quit the music- it was quite enjoyable.
I think I've found me a friend who has social skills enough to not try and be overly nice to everyone... its refreshing. I'm used to people bashing from all y'all and it was wierd without any sort of barbs directed at me or at other people who deserve them.
My roommate knows streetlight- that's cool.

hmmm

I's got me some pretty cool roommates... which is good.

my bed could be better... but oh well...

I have no AC, tis a sad day indeed.

Good God

so I'm setting up my dad's old laptop for me to take to Boston... and I realise I dont' know my username for this blog because I never have to sign in... so on the other computer, I sign out hoping its like hotmail and it stores the username... its not. thanks to my ingeniusness... I was able to figure it out.

I'm mad. I got the new foo fighters cd (in your honor) because it's awesome... and it's protected in a way that isn't compatible to itunes and my ipod. so basically i either have to carry around a cd player just for those cds -or my computer...if I try to copy it directly to itunes.. it sounds like I'm playing after I ran over the cds with a car on a gravel road. that's crap. They're such good cds too...

cześć

I took down the other post because... well... I didn't yet know the resolution to my delemna.
Thanks to the irrationality of Lane and the persistence of my father, It was fixed in just a day. I am no longer suspended.
Lane is however still recieve that poop-smeared end of the stick (yes!) because other parents are continuing to complain about her, of which process I will help.
Europe was great despite abnormal stomach problems... nazis, awkwardosity with some kids, too much sound of music and waaay too much PDA.
good things included meeting agentinian troubadors in Berlin, Fanta, food, Prague, Salzburg, meeting Matt and Ned, Pow-wows on stairs with Yost, Francesco and Flo, among others.
I am free to spend my last week before eight weeks of movies, writing, noir, no curfew, and a bustling college town... B-town style...
I hope that the tea and crumpets will be running next week. I hope to see malorie's show, I hope to have a picture party, I hope to see most everyone... I think I taste a B.B.Q...

wahoo!

Have you ever wanted to do it like they do in the movies? where as soon as the last bell rings for the summer.. there are suddenly papers and books and notebooks from everywhere being thrown up and everyone is rushing down the stairs at once?
I really want to do it.. except it'll only be a select few tomorrow.
I'm excited.
I'll see y'all in two weeks.

Party party

graduation parties are fun in that.. they're parties.
Graduation parties suck because I'm not one of the graduates. I say.. I'm extremely proud of the people who did graduate.. and you throw awesome parties.
I can't get to my comments.. I dont' know if that's my computer or blogger... I hate being computer stupid

*edit* I'm proud- I fixed my comment links by myself... ::proud grin::

le prom

I think that before prom and after prom were much better than prom. and as much as I enjoy dancing like a freak... because I can't dance. I wish Del or Kevin were there because they do enjoy dancing like freaks.. or at least they did two years ago.

I've had the biggest urge to reconnect with all of the friends I've lost. Like Christine, my best friend through elementary school. I still have her number in memory, and I doubt she's moved. I want to see Diana, and Kevin, and nat, and Del, and zwick... of whom I really only talk to Diana and Del anymore.

Afterprom was.. interesting. I hit my head... hard on the ice and that's just from me bneing stupid. but it was nice haning out with alliy and meeting connor... and haninging out with him all evening/morning.. and david. I'm glad I'm not a sumo wrestler.. it'd be hummilliating to be so fat that people have to help you up.
Red Rocks was awesome...Foote has good ideas. I wish I could always wake up early enough to watch the sunrise. i think I like them better than sunsets.

Prom was good closure for me. Even though I met new people... and didn't really hang out with my typical friends (after dinner) I think it made me think about a lot of things about who I am, what I really care about and who my friends are.

I'm still excited and sad for the summer. Everyone is a rockstar. I needed that night out.

:o)

A happy post this time. I realise I haven't been in a good mood lately. but hearing from old friends always makes my day.

The year's almost over and I don't know if I'm relied or extremely depressed. its the first year where I'm going to lose a lot of my friends, whereas graduation has never really affected me before. Hopefully you guys all come back for the breaks.. becuase I don't know if after next year my parents are gonna still live down here. It may be my last year to hang out, have tea (not that I'll be able to much this year) and all that jazz. I wish it weren't that way.

but I'm in a better mood. Yearbooks make me so sad.. and happy at the same time. I mean, its like a giant birthday card .. that's not on my birthday. This yer went by way too fast.

I'm sure many of you have mini crushes on people you dont' even know that well.. or people you only talk to occasionally. I realise how many I have. just little infatuations.. or people who just make you happy- I guess its because you dont' know all the bad stuff about them. Only semi-knowing people can sometimes be better than really knowing them.

I hope this was a more positive post. I'm not a depressed teenage-angst typeof person- i'm sure most of you guys know that. I just like to complain :o)

I bought my prom ticket today.. I guess that makes it official.. I wish my sisters were home so that I could have someone who knows what they're doing do my hair and make up.. I.. rather suck at it.

Today's been a good day. Off to memorize my crazy woman monologue.

oh. and my mom bought me an icecream maker.

yes.

I'm so fickle.. now its a maybe prom? i need to get lauren to come.

Ugh

All I have to say is that I'm not a fan of people being assed.

I've decided I'm not going to prom... after much deliberation. I'm getting sick of a lot of people. Tonight reiterated that.

The list of people I'm not even remotely uncomfortable or annoyed with is down to three(excluding people I see less than once a month). Right now I'm really looking forward to getting away this summer.

sorry if I sound harsh- too bad.

Sick of it all.

I've decided I'm sick of being that person that just lies down and lets people walk over what I believe in. I'm sick of people taking what I believe in and making it into something that its not. I'm sick of being used and forgotten, I'm sick of not being myself. I'm sick of trying to impress people. I'm sick of other people trying to impress people. No matter how dysfunctional we are.. we should be ourselves- as hard as it is to do, stay out of the limelight, and screw what other's are going to think of you- screw attention.

I'm not impressed with my new pastor. he leaves me more jaded about christianity that I ever have been. Sometimes I don't want to be christian anymore- no one said it was easy. and then I realise... its not about him (the pastor), or what he says. it's about loving others, loving jesus above all else and loving yoruself. Its hard. especially when you don't have a support system that believes what you do... and the one person you trust to have the same views as you.. is going off to college. Here's to hoping I can stick to my guns.



Some cowboys were a ridin', ridin' on the range;
The grass was over grazed there,
and spotted like some mange;
The buffalo were dead there,
the trees they all were through,
and if they saw some Injuns,
why they would kill them too.

West or bust, in God we trust,
"Let's rape, let's kill, let's steal"
We can almost justify, anything we feel;
I'm climbing up that ladder,
more brownie points for me I'll work my way to Jesus you wait and see.

Said one cowboy to another,
"I think it would be nice,
if we could take these injuns and convert them all to Christ;
See, they are all disgusting, and bringing me great pain,
and if they don't believe me,
we'll put a bullet in their brains!"
I am always shoutin',
when I go outside,
how people should repent now,
or they're going to die.
My motives are all selfish,
I'm a cannon brimmed with powder.
If people don't believe me,
I just beat them and yell louder.

I don't want to be here anymore.

Finishing out

One test down.. 7 to go.
I was excited about being done after this week and a half (ish.. not counting ib tests) becuase after regionals (a week from today).. I'll most likely be done with golf, I'll be done with AP tests, I'll only have IB left, and We won't be learning anything new.
My parents are probably gonna make me go to more class than I anticipated.
I should be studying..
but I'll probably end up not..
I've decided I'm in love with Roger from Rent despite his disfunctionality.

I need to learn to write better blog entries.

Whacking 'em

so.. tomorrow is going to be fun.

rain.

16 mph winds.

but at least I dont' have to take the math final :o)

The Laughing man

I need to get Nine Stories back from Eunice.
I need a prom date that I'm not going with becuase I didn't have one.
I need to finish Euro.
I need to stop eating.
I need to stop screwing around in golf.
I need to study for my aps
I need to write more.

technically.. I don't NEED to do any of this stuff.. I just feel like I do.

Older, but getting younger

I think it was one of my best birthdays. Lots of orange juice, goodcake, play-doh and the kings of all crayons. I love it.
Joe says I'm regressing as I get older... Roxy says her sister (who's nine) got the same things I did.. minus the food... maybe I never grew up. Maybe I don't want to grow up.
Time Is a funny thing, can't we just go back to the days when years were an eternity? I mean, when you're five.. a year is... 20% of your life. whereas when I'm fifty is only 2% of my life. Time goes faster. and it kind of sucks. Oh well. I think we have to beable to continue to enjoy things in a child like manner. Despite stress or whatever that comes along. we need to enjoy the past, and the future. Most importantly though. the present.
We'll always be looking for There. and when we get to it, we'll still be looking and we'll miss it.

No More Cookies

Cookie monster is no longer able to sing 'C is for Cookie' he now sings 'A Cookie is a Sometimes Food'
What the hell. Its COOKIE MONSTER. A staple in my childhood. he's eating cookies in Moderation? just becuase kids are fat, doesn't mean that you have to say that cookie is fat.. I mean... he's not.. he's just blue and fuzzy. Stupid kid obesity. stupid america for ruining life.

lets all take some pills and ruin good things for everyone, since we can't believe its our own fault that our kids have diabetes- we have to blame the tv.

"These are the best days of our lives"

last night was the best night of the year so far. it's rather nice hanging out with the people you wished you hung out with more.

Joe, Lauren, Malorie, Bonnie, Selina and I went to The Animation Show. It was awesome. some of the shorts I wasn't looking forward to were better than I expected and some of the ones I was looking forward to weren't as good.
I really want to watch the Meaning of Life again. And Fallen Art. Afterwards we went to Sonic. it was great and I didn't make sense-as always. The girl sitting in front of me had a "cool" hair cut. half of her head was shorn realy short, and the other half was in a bob... ah the things people do.

I thought things would start slowing down in April, when in fact they're rather speeding up. As summer draws nearer, I think i'm going to get more depressed about only being able to spend about a week with the leaving seniors.

I've been told I'm melancholy lately. I'm in a good mood, I hope it stays a while.

who's going to be on quarter system?

scrimmage tomorrow at Mira Vista- where regionals is at.
I got really lucky, the fourth is the only day I don't have tests.. and that's regionals.. most likely I'm not going to get to state anyway.. considering my scores right now.. so ... I dont' have to worry about that being the same days as the psych IB test.
I'm going to do better.

Brave Saint Saturn gives me that chill.

Nothing

Nothing but a scoundrel, a loser, an imbesile
Nothing but redundancy, bland and returning
Nothing but looking back, despairing forward
Nothing but open doors that won't shut
Nothing but closed doors that won't open
Nothing but white walls and a straight jacket
Nothing but hopelessness and worry
Atlas drops the world
Jesus picks it up
Everything.