Jessica Battles the (Pink) Robots

There's some feeling that comes out of doing the daily, and not focusing on anything outside of what's right in front of you. Work. Practice. Eating. Sleeping. Boyfriend. Friend(s). I can't describe it. It's both good and bad because the monotony pulls you in, and it's not necessarily something to be abhorred, but there's a lot that's not in front of me. Like my family. Like Rabah. Like old friends (who are now Negative numbers because they are so far back in history). I was berated by my oldest sister who said that I don't even miss my family because I never call. I don't think that it's that I don't miss them. When I stop to think (which is not often now) I do. I really really do. I just have to be on Robot-Mode these days and only look at what's right in front of me... and even ignore what's infront of me but can be ignored.

I feel like i've said this somewhere here before but I've become such a worse listener, such a worse observer living the way I do. I don't know if I like myself anymore. If you know what I mean. not in an emo lets-go-slit-our-wrists type way, but I don't like robot-mode.

I think this is the first time in a very long time that I sat down and made the time to do this. just look at the internet for something other than things that need to get done.

I used to spend days doing this.

"She's gotta be strong to fight 'em, so she's taking lots of vitamins" (that's a lie)

Time to myself, or quiet time with others, what's that?