misshapen words

I look through this blog, and my old xanga and I see how I haven't changed very much at all. But if I looks through my fiction, it's so apparent how much I've changed over the years. what used to be important to me, no longer seems to be.

I seem to have an obsession with the song "Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy.. which was given to me by Dearest Rabah, who has a similar affliction. it's.. fitting of my mood these days.

I feel like what I do and who I am are separating, and I don't like that. I don't like it at all. I think... i need time to enjoy what i'm doing.. and that appreciation for the work that I put into things will translate into me a coherent self.

I had a really good talk with Janie the other day. She always reminds me of what God wants. what God is like, and how much He fixes things. I wish I could see her more often.

I wish so many things. I feel so nostalgic.. maybe melancholy is the better word.. but only when I'm alone.. and only when I allow myself to be. When I'm with you, I'm better. I think I may just be homesick. sad that Dharasalam is taking a piece of home away from me.

must study. focus. focus. focus