la la land

I don't know which is worse, trying hard to be normal.. or trying hard to be abnormal. Maybe they both seem pathetic to me (even though I'm guilty of the same things) because people are trying so hard to be something that they're not. but perhaps.. practice makes perfect right?

I don't know what to do at home. There's a lot of people I want to see, and yet.. I'm so lethargic that i end up just napping.. and not even spending time with my family at home. I notice a lot of grass-is-greener syndrome in me. I always want to be where I'm not. I've been getting wanderlust a lot lately. I need to go somewhere away from Berkeley and away from Denver... hopefully my trips to SD and Harvard this semester will be worth it.

I suppose I should be thinking about New Years Resolutions... and maybe now, instead of back in November I should be playing some FiF and being emo about how nothing changes... but it does, subtly if you want to notice it. I've always claimed to be an observer, someone who doesn't participate but rather analyses. Maybe this is the year to apply what I've learned from other people. maybe I just need to observe myself more.

Do you ever feel like you're moving backwards in time?

My life plays through my head like a movie.