Once again I'm updating at a time when I have none (time that is)

my essay has turned into a weird mutated form of a five paragraph essay (growing three feet and a wing) and its pissing me off. I doubt my spanish essay will be much better.

My problem is.. when i fall asleep- i stay asleep.

it feels earlier than it is. a lot earlier- maybe becuase it's still bright outside- and yet it's 7 o clock. Rubal's asleep and my leg is also falling asleep becuase i never use my chair anymore. I want to SEE people i haven't seen other than a passing 'hi' or a 'we'll see eachother later' it's been two or three weeks. but no- i have to get through this weekend first.

hopefully I'll be able to hold it together tonight.

Damn the ballroom comp this weekend.

i'm on a Guster kick

my last night in town and I spend it writing an essay- i can say I have a (i hope) pretty damn good intro paragraph- now i just have to make the rest of my essay as good. I got a lot less work done than I wanted.. but i suppose So it goes.

I like inside jokes.. or at least people who understand you when you reference really obscure things... means you've shared something.

I made dinner with Kaitlin yesterday for ourselves and her parents- they said they had never liked falafels before :) glad we coudl spread the love.- I want to COOK always.. and have the time to make ridiculous gormet meals and feed people.

I saw lots of friends who could be considered "good people" as Kaile woudl say... though I didn't see as many as I could have, but So it goes.

I think my head's on straighter than it has been in a long time. maybe not as straight as i'd still like it to be (i've still got some kinks to work out) but... i think spring break worked out- as much work as there was, I had enough time to relax a little.

I shoudl be collecting my things that i leave across the house... I started saying that Berkeley is home.. and that I'm just coming back to colorado. I think I grew out of this hom faster than my sisters did. maybe that's what it is to be youngest- you get left so often you leave quickly yourself.

I need a deep breath before April starts.

::Deep Breath::

I don't Blog when I'm really enjoying life.

Last week was awesome. It went by too fast though. rabah and I did a lot, but still there's more- planet juice, asia SF, the brazilian stand, cordornices park, etc. you other people should come down to the WEST COAST and hang out. we need love too.
I saw Stanford for the first time in about four years. I think palo alto would be a cool place to hang out, or to discover, but Im glad I didn't get accepted there - I dont' think i would ave been as happy withthe people or with the envoronment as I am at Berkeley. It's funny, thinking of all the schools I've visited and not really feeling like I would be good there. There are some schools like Columbia where I can see that other side, where life would be different but jsut as good, but at the same time... I like Berkeley. I like it a lot. It's a good balance of city, people and school.
So I'm at home. I'm going to need to work really hard. (hence I'm on the internet righ tnow wasting time) hahhh as always. it'll be interesting trying to write a paper from home. It seems so long ago. but that's the plan. English paper, Linguistics interviews, MCB studying, possibly a little bit of spanish studying as well. but mostly the first two.
More recently people have been telling me I act older. I've never been told that I act like how my age tells me I should act- it's always older or younger, but never spot on. I wonder about that. I only have about 20 days left of 18.. (not that that changes much) but.. I don't know. it was such a rush getting to this point- of 18 years of age. but It's not really anything.

what to do on my birthday? hmm...

April's going to be an interesting month- I have to look for housing, a job (oishkies), finish school strong and hope to god that my schedule works out for next year... it's like.. I HAVE to get these specific classes, or else my enitre schedule is messed up.

hopefully my life will seem less in transition after april.. and I have a place to live for the summer. I never did lik ethe mmonth of april- it seems so long in terms of things that need to get done in that short amount of time.

This break I'm hoping to see old friends, and get some good ol work done.

I like snow patrol... and andrew bird.

I think i've stagnated.

I think i've been quite obsessed with Neil Gaiman and JD Salinger for... atleast all of highschool. and I think to myself- what does that mean? maybe, I'm just not that intrepid at experimenting with literature, or maybe that just means that I've found my loves and well... that's what its going to be.

Eric and I were thinking of teaching a DeCal- but yeah... which? or what?

I miss Joyce. She always made me want to be more creative. and I think she did.

I'm ready for this next weekend to come. It's going to be glorious.

Five days to an early holiday

Peach-o's are delicious

I want to get really good at spanish. I don't know why. there are plenty of people who are fluent in both languages, and I'll probably never get fluent fluent. but i guess it's one of those things i really want to do.

i'm having a hard time focusing on Wuthering Heights. I have to say it's better this time, than it was last time i read it in like 9th grade. I guess i just understand it better now. but still... I've got transmetropolitan, and maus and they're distracts... that's right.. I splurged.. again. and bought maus- but it was used. so both books were prettymuch for the price of one. so that's okay. i finished the first. i'm going to move on to the second

i've been taking ridiculous naps lately.

i need to buy dvds and burn some from dc++ before i don't have DC++ anymore... yeah. that'll be good.

i want to switch my old feet out for new feet. new pretty feet. I have like ten million blisters right now. it's not fun.ungh ungh ungh ungh ungh

I'm ready for spring break. really ready.

I lose something everytime I clean

SO I have my own room now until after spring break. Rubal's in INDIA. for a MONTH. hahhh... she's funny.

but unfunnily, I LOST MY ID i dont' know what happened to it. again. i said i wouldn't lose it this semester. le sigh. maybe it'll be okay because I'll only have to pay 30 bucks for the class pass becuase half the semester is already gone. oofta. it jsut dissappeared.. between the laundryroom and here. here being my room.

but. My room is finally clean. i jst have to put my laundry away. I really dont' want to.

this is a boring post.

I can't believe I did it again.

but I have a LIST of things I want to do with rabahhh when she gets here. it'll be v. excitting.

I'm woozy.

I thought i had slept for something like 14 hours today.. but really it's only like 9... so actually it isn't that bad. my eyes are pulsating though... i dont' think that's good. I have to.. urgghhh... escribir en espanol. poo... pooo... poo..

I should still be squishing.

I worry too much.


is it bad if I take another nap?

I felt v. non indian yesterday- and I have the doot da doot da doot da doot da of bhangra beats in my head.

I want breadsticks.

I'm squishing down into midterms

so in my usual procrastinatory post, I have a linguistics midterm tomorrow, spanish homework due tomorrow, a bio midterm review sheet due tomorrow (for extra credit i'll probably need) a bio midterm on friday, an English paper due on the 1st, my English GSI isn't emailing me back about meeting with me becuase he didn't have office horus this week, and well... we have another spanish paper to start working on. OOFTA.

I've been listening to a lot of music though. I don't knwo if my Ipod on shuffle jsut likes Five Iron Frenzy, or if it's jsut the fact that I have so much Five Iron Frenzy on my Ipod that it comes up as often as it should based on ratio. People look at me funny when I bob my head to my music. It's just that they can't hear it :) but that's okay, I'm used to being looked at funny.


Things I want to do but have no time (or money) to do: blues dancing. Infinite Jest. sleep. sf. more specifically city lights. transmet. discover food places.

Shakira is waayyy too hot. I want to be able to move my body like Shakira. she's mesmerizing.

okay working. working. working.

We did a lot back then. what are we doing now?

A lot of my friends are together right now in New York. Lauren, Yang, Anandi, Rohini, - I kind of really wish I were with them.

It's so different here. at home, there are too many people I want to see, and not enough time to have one on one time with them, but here... I think I have friends of circumstance. or we're in that awkward stage just before being able to call people up randomly, or hang out randomly.

I suppose I need some alone time too.

I think Sam may be leaving. according to Mike, I get to have dinner with him on the 27th. we'll see. I should try to see Mike sometime- maybe go up to Sac with Rubal one time.

Want everything to flow. and not have to try. or be worried, or anything. I think I'm always worrying, or always thinking, or always tense. I dont' think I'm as bad as some people, but I still need to learn how to let go.

I want to be around people I would truly miss if they were to leave. I want to see Charlie, Kristine and Rusty again. It was funny how Harvard worked out. how we can pick up the same, we don't really have to know about everything in each others' lives because well... our friendship isn't based off of telling events in our lives, what happened everyday, rather there's soemthing more than that. It's the same with Rabah. but it's hard to get there. you know?

I always sound unhappy in my blog. but I'm happy. I live well, I'm learning right? sorry for complaining so much at you, but well... I suppose that what it is to be american- never any satisfaction.

"I tried to convince you not to go home"

I like how this song (looking back on today) only reminds me of joyce- despite how sappy it is, I don't relate any of these overtly cheesy lyrics to any of the male gender.

I miss joyce- she's an explorer.. much moreso than me. it'd be nice to have her here and we could go exploring together. I don't get to see her much.

No more electrical taped flip flops for meee... i can no longer feel the ground through the heel of my shoes... i'm happy. Old navy changed their flip flops.. i cant decide whether it's for thebetter or not.

I'm listening to oldies but goodies...song I would listen to through high school and middle school. damn... so many good memories. Tom Petty reminds me of summer - well american girl does. and Matt singing really drunkenly at danika's house. .. it might have been Rob's... i think it was Danika's.

I periodically miss the people I never would call up to talk to- like Lani, or Kris Becker- I used to drive Lani home after Key club- and we'd have good times int he car- or good conversation in the car, but we never made an effort to hang out outside of it. and Kris- so random. and good so good at music. I miss seeing that look on his face when he relaly gets going... he was soulfull.

I like Nick Drake's voice. if you look at him, he doesn't look like his voice would be this clear and mellow- he looks like a screechy off key emo kid.

It's time to stop meandering this semester and really work. hehhhhh

The Cure reminds me of Joe

I'm procrastinating again. reading to do. but not interesting reading to me. I don't know. THings'll get better outside of 45b i hope. i really hope. i like how in this font the numbers get lowered a little bit. I always liked that about old books, the numbers are all skewy.

If you couldn't tell from my last post, i'm relaly excited about harry potter coming out... reallly really... but if i stay here over the summer, then I'm going to have to get the book from here aren't I? hrmm..... ack.. and I'll have the opposite delemma- i'll get it four hours later than the people on the east coast. pooooo. oh well.

so yeah. I'm probably going to end up staying here over the summer and working here in SF. minimum wage is higher.. and i'll probably have to pay rent on my apartment for sumemr anyway so there's no point in paying for an empty apartment right? and i'll get spanish 4 out of the way- so if I want to graduate in three years I can with a Minor in Spanish. I shoudl really plann this out better.

yes. Life planning. that's what I need to do. more like guidelines than actual rules becuase there are of course things that I can't control like whether or not I get hired or what. but at some point, iternational school somewhere preferrably someplace like argentina or something- i should take some history of L. America classes. hrmm.. Spain woudln't be too bad either... or Africaaaa.... but i knwo my parents will say "it's dangerous don't go there" hrm... but Mossadeq didn't get started in his revolutionary ideas until his father in law (the higher priest) had passed away... so maybe i shoudl do that when no one is worrying abotu me anymore.

I talked to my Spanish GSI for a good while yesterday.. it was fun. he told me of a good taqueria on mission and some good bakeries around there... i think it's time to explore SF soon.

the job thing is turning out to be a dud. really. I NEED a job. damn workstudy and such... pooooppp..

I'm using modpodge to fix my earrings tha are breaking.. hahh.. creative.. i only hope that it sticks. seems to be working fine. i don't know.. i think i'm slightly allergic to nickel or whatever they use in cheap earrings, or pewter.. so if i leave them in for a long time, my earses kind of ache a little.. but if i put my white gold ones back int they're okay.. hrmmm... yeah.. doesn't stop me from buying earrings..

I've been in a shopping mood lately... i need shoes.. i really really need shoes all of mine are falling apart. but i have no money. jsut a gift card to macys... hrmmm.. :D that'll be part of my excursion to SF

I want to learn how to lift my left eyebrow.. i used to pride myself on being able to move my face symmetrically. yesh. symmetrically.

I'm in the mood for vulgar kerouac style (though i'm never read kerouac) books.. about drugs and tennis.. and guns and mexico. not about girls moving to vancouver. funny- i enjoy reading books whos protagonists are male but i write about female heroes. hrmmm.... maybe i'm jsut made out to not like my own writing. hahh.. I think by the end of the summer i'll send something to McSweeneys.. and possibly oter magazines.. but that means a stronger discipline from me. more output. (whichh also means more input)

So by sunday i'm going to have a plan. a backbone of a plan. sorry rabah for usinghte owrd PLAN so much. guidelines. not stoney

38 days.

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS ON JULY 21st!

yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weird shin soreness hmmm

apparantly more people have been updating blogs than I expected.. i need to find time to read those now.. shouldn't be too hard.

I still need a job. and no where in the berkeley area is hiring. reallly... it really sucks.

evaporated soy sauce looks really disgusting... like burnt coffee or something.

My GSI (TA) for my linguistics class is on the berkeley ballroom team, cool, she talks really fast... i like that I can follow her. and I'm officially in spanish 3 no more wishy washy department rules.. yayyy.. I'm going to get fluent.. and posibly a minor (double majors i hear are pointless?). hahh

yeahhh so life. how do I do life again? do I even know?

I remmeber not so long ago I said i would read more and write more.. either a chapter or a page or something aday. have I been doing that? bad jessica.. all te time you spend refreshing pages could be spent doing something productive.

none of my GSI's have office hours I can attend. poo..

I'm simultaneously reading Vernon God Little and Infinite Jest and they're mixing in my head.. i don't know what to do about that.

foxtrot.... yesh.. gotta get better... costumes? too expensive.. relaly wish I coudl go to harvard for the allroom comp.. but sadly.. no. oof. money.. always money.. poooo faceeee

I'm really sleepy. waking up early makes me tired. all the time. ungh. okay. Time to get better.

off to stretch, and possibly read somethign that's been assigned.

I'm going to need some help this semester.

I think the only class I truly enjoy right now is Spanish.. and that's only becuase my GSI is cool.. the department is so.... rulesy. oye. English is going to be simply put, 'oofta' and linguistics just seems like a less interesting version of TOK. immunology is alright...

It's funny hanging out with koreans.. because it's so hard to get anywhere becuase someone is always in the bathroom, or talking to someone else.. or blah blah blah and well... yesh. that's why we hang out in parking lots.

I got to swing today. in people's park.. hahhh it was good, not the peaceful type of swinging.. more fun and people oriented.

I'm finding myself more introverted this semester... i guess that's where life took me.

i need a title.

I had been thinking I should update this for a while... i just didn't relaly have anything to say.

It's hard digesting a lot of food.

Isn't It wierd how people take priority with no regard to logic? I suppose some people force it to be logical.. or logical coincides perfectly with their true feelings, but for me.. I don't think it has in a long while...

I realise a lot that someday I want to be able to look at myself and look at my Ideal self and find that they match up- Seymour Glass said something in Hapsworth 16 1924 along the lines of.. "it is rotten and worrisome to have two voices" and well.. as of now.. i have maybe seven or so running around in my small brain of sorts. it'd be nice to converge them.

I suppose this will be a short post.

I still relaly don't have that much to say in this form.. I'm in more of a personal mood these days.

Cabin Fever

So... I asked for snow when i came home- i was hoping for a light dusting... something maybe to make the holidays seem more like the holidays... i didn't ask for this much. i didn't want this much. Now.. it's just an excuse to stay at home "the roads are too icy.. don't go out" oye. I don't want it to snow AGAIN on thursday.

I think it's time for some new years resolutions. Maybe I should do them UN Resolution style... maybe not.

1. Write daily: whether it's a journal entry, a blog, or a blurb, it doesn't matter.. as long as it's not academic.
2. Read a chapter of something other than what's required of me nightly.
3. explore berkeley/SF more... what use is it if I only truly know a could of streets? (i don't know how i'm going to do this as i'm going to have a lot less time on my hands)

It's not drastic but..

I got a haircut.. more like a hair trim. to get my scragglies off. i think it's still a little scraggly.. i didn't want to cut it shorter.. or else i'd want to get a bob or something.

yay for free haircuts.

I'm not giving christmas/festivus gifts this year. just so you know.

I think i'll call Taifur tomorrow.. see if he's home and wants to play some frisbee.

time for exercise reality check.. hahhh

The Fog is coming in over Berkeley.. and i'm procrastinating again

you know how in "scary" movies.. fog always comes down on the full moon and there's that eerieness to it? i like it. it's really peacefull.. everything seems muted.. and i guess this is the closest thig we'll get to snow falling here.. which has that same effect.. kinda.. but that's like sxhale peaceful, fog is inhale peaceful.. like it's filling you up. does that make sense?

Astronomy.. yes. I dont' know yet...

Home in a little bit. yes. tomorrow. gonna go crash some science bowl.

festivus,
rabah's birfday
Mercury cafe
new years?
snow boarding?


LIFE

New Lives

I think i post here when i don't really have time to- just like everything else- you want to do it when you can't and you don't want to when you can- why are we never satisfied with life?

I've been thinking a lot and coming to no conclusions. so maybe now it's better not to think and to just do- but that never works out.

ahh.. regrets of the past.

Saw a cool show yesterday- wish i had gotten to stay for the main event, DJ Qbert, but damn BART closes at 12. ungh.

i've been using that word alot- "ungh" i think it's a good grunting noise... fits my mood these days

I'm not thinking about Muhammad Ali or Mephistophiles or Quasars or Chastity or Gender relations, or Ataturk, or any oter this stuff. who's David Ben-Gurion? do i really care any more? i dont' knowwww.... I want to go decorate a house...even just a room. that's what i really really want to do right now. give me a budget and i'll do it to it. i'm thinking clean and colorful, and warm. but we must put in hardwood- no questions asked- everything looks better with hard wood. I think if i had a hosue i decorated myself- each room would have a different personality. my house wouldn't be cohesive at all :)

I'm trying hard to figure out something about myself that is more than friends, or school or whatever, but what am i trying to figure out?

I think this was a good teeenagerish post- i only have a year and a half ish left of being one.. lets use it to its full extent.

i guess this means i'm back to posting here... if a little less than usual

didn't take long at all.

I guess it didn't really take long but...

THE ANIMATION SHOW IS COMING BACKKKK

Denver, CO
Mayan Theatre,
February (21-22) 7:39 & 9:45PM
110 Broadway Ave.

Boulder, CO
Boulder Theatre,
February (24) 6:30 & 9:00PM
2032 14th Street.



Berkeley, CA
Wheeler Auditorium
Jan 27-28, 2007

Hells yes.

www.animationshow.com

too bad we can't get the group who saw Ani2 to see this one together... but if you're not in Colorado or Berkeley in janurary-february.. look on the website given above for showtime where you arrrreee.


listen to MJ.. he makes you feel better.