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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Climbing the Stairs in a Box

There's a lot of whining in this post. Just so you know.

I don't know if I'd like it if there were a lot of people like me. I'm very unsociable, outside a certain couple of people, i dont' like to make the effort. I'm ready for change. I'm ready for something other than smoky hill. I'm ready for living in dorms.

I think I enjoy being called dumb more so than I like being called smart. Maybe because only people I like call me dumb.. whereas people I dont' really care about so much call me smart... even though some people I care about call me smart too. It's just an obnoxious thing.

I often think about what the worth (other than name value) going to a high-end higher education institution would be. I mean, its not like I can't get a good education at boulder. I don't know. Maybe if I were doing something like astrophysics or Biomedical engineering or something I could go somewhere specialized like MIT or something. but Liberal arts? I just... I don't know.. I want to go I want to explore. I want to surround myself with people who are pretentious.. and have a right to be pretentious... and then find those few who aren't- even though they have a right to be. Do I even need a high education? i don't know.

I calculated it and if you have starbuck every single day (3 bucks ish) you're spending $1080 dollars a year. what a waste of money.

in someways senior year is pretty cool. in others.. it kinda sucks.

I can't focus. Help me focus.

Have you gotten to the part in East of Eden- its not very far in- where Adam gives Alice little presents, and after Charles beats him, she says "He doens't think his father loves him. But you love him-- you always have" and then she goes on saying that Charles is the one giving her presents. I don't know why, but that scene makes me really sad.

I need a good cry, a movie, or a book. something. I think i'm going to rent Finding Neverland this weekend. I'm in the mood for something artsy and sad. I wish we had a TV that wasn't in the middle of the house. it makes it difficult to become absorbed.

I've been off since before MUN. i don't know what it is. I don't feel like myself.

"I see it around me, I see it in everything
I could be so much more than this..."

4 comments:

Special K said...

What else would you do with 1080 dollars? I find small splurges completely acceptable if they make you happy. What's the point of being overly stingy and having a lot of money in the end? Hell I'll be 500 bucks short at the end of the year if it means having coffee every few days (btw It's a Grind is better). The money would fall through the cracks eventually anyway. A few bucks there, a few bucks here. I don't blow money but in the scheme of things it's meaningless.

I don't know who the hell would call you dumb. Oh wait, yes I do and they're fools.

I dislike prententious people all the time. I like a good mix of pretentious and normal. Thus my sophomores.

How 'bout a good HMS Radio snippet?

Anonymous said...

4 years in stanford or any other private skewl = $40,000 x 4 = 160,000. and if you do masters that's 240,000. at boulder that'd be aroudn 60,000. if you plan on getting rich after graduating or can get some financial aid, go with stanford/mit/etc. but if you plan on becoming a ski bum, then go with boulder. ;)
-hg

Anonymous said...

that makes me so sad :(

Anonymous said...

i guess this is as good a time as ever to just say what i feel inside. your new picture/icon thing scares me.