Oh....

There's something that makes me smile about listening to old pop punk- like the Starting line's cover of JLo's I'm real.. or old NFG. it's like chick flicks.. they're just feel good songs... and according to some, simply 'bad ' music.. but... earlier pop punk makes me happy.

it's becoming real like the tome (or t-ohm) of cracking some ap action sititng in front of me. I suck at teh physics. really. really.

I had fun bowling on friday... I actually got up in the 80's .. wow. jessica's getting better. my bowl form is perfect.. better than anyone's you know.

I'm dipping my toe into tomorrow.. and I can't say I like it. May is going to be dreadful... and my pores are planning a revolt and festering. that sounds so disgusting.

apparantly yearbooks 'come out' on friday. which means they're planning on ripping us off for another dollar. Funny. hopefully it's good.. i think i'm in quite a few pictures- all taken courtesy of tyler gurerro. really. that kid is liek the yearbook person. I don't know why i'm talking about this.. but that just means we're close. and I'm dreading it and ready to jump f orward anyway.

I really suck at returning things on time... especially to libraries.

My heart feels heavy.. and I don't know why... it's not in like a cholesterol sense.. but more of a life universe and everythign type of way.

I love books.. but at the same time I hate reading good ones. like puliter prize winning books. it's very bittersweet. I'm being hard on myself. and really.. I feel like a dogfish is chasing me.

Lit magazine is at the press right now. I'm exciited. my piece is first. which hopefully give a good impression for the magazine over all. We've got it all. Lei wrote a piece based on a chinese proverb, Young gave us an excert from his book, Rabah gives us a scene of amazingness. Sara- dialogue, Rose- bloody daydreams, Me-change, there's more stuff, and the art throughout is generally amazing. hopefully that'll come out this week.

Time to cracker down.

Edit: apparantly L&S college at Berk doesn't take AP credit after you've been accepted. so I dont' even know why i'm trying at all.. ugh.

"Tell all my friends I'm dead...
it won't belong before you forget my name..."

See you in four weeks

So with an overall focus on teh Cockulus and teh physics, I will be spending the rest of my high school career doing this:

this week: practice papers for physics/calculus; refresher spark notes on EOE, 100Years, Beloved, LM; golf; Multi Genre Paper
Next week: AP Physics stuff; more practice papers for SL physics; golf; History; multi genre paper
Week after: Learn mathemagic, go over couple of topics on chem; multi genre paper

PROM!
STATE (hopefully)!
GRADUATION!
PARTY!


I probably have to do some labs that were due back in january for chem to keep my A though.. le sigh.

Urgh

MUN sucks.

Posistion papers suck, Resolutions suck

Math finals suck

Math in general sucks

end of april sucks

beginning of may sucks

golf sucks.. or rather I suck at it

my writing sucks

people suck

I'm about to do the one thing everything in my life told me not to do: be confrontational.

wish me luck. (accidental rhymage)

Expecting in a couple Months

It's been a while since I've felt this unhealthy. really. I just feel ugh. I eat, I sleep, I study, golf is more of a leisure thing than a "let's keep fit" sport, I can make myself look pregnant, I feel like my muscle(what I had anyway) is atrophing, I'm just over all not feeling it. Not to mention my legs are about 7 shades lighter than my arms- which has nothign to do with feeling unhealthy.. rather feeling simply gross.

I changed a tire in a dress today.. fun stuff... funny how two girls can attract five guys in helping them change a tire- unnecessary.. but pretty entertaining. my lug wrench really sucks.... I mean really really.

I think i'm turning in my acceptances and deceptances tomorrow. Yes to Berkeley No to everywhere else. Hello San Francisco.

Paradise Now is a good movie. I wish I knew the background behind it a bit better, but just the explication in the friendship with the acting and the dialogue. V. bittersweet to me. which.. btw... my story for Creative Writing is crap... and I don't kwno what I"m doing for the Lit Magazine. pretty sweet layout though.

Can I sleep with my eyes open so I can be awake for all my dreams?

Conversations

I dont' even know what's setting me over the edge right now.

what happened in the last ten minutes?

hell if I know.

for the sake of it.

I can remember making tunnels through mounds of sand in preschool. and I think that it's mostly over. really. really.

I just watched goodnight and good luck.. I think I want the soundtrack. Maybe I should try to open that trupet case and get playing again. most likely it'll sound lke shit... but then again.. hasn't it always?

Nathan Tapp asked-on his blog, if you could have a magical twenty song cd mix.. nomatter the length of the song and that was the only thing you could listen to for the rest of your life what would the songs be? I don't know the answer to that. Ian asked the harder question... if you were followed around by a song your entire life.. what song would that be?

I feel pretty good about answering four questions out of maybe 100 ish total in Chem Bowl... my team won though.. no thanks to me or Srikar.

I took a nap today and dreamed about Dragon BallZ characters.. which is really strange considering I haven't watched that show since maybe freshman year. Then I woke up thinking I had slept 15 hours and it was morning. My mom laughed at me.

the return

so I just finished American Gods instead of doing whatever work I have to do. I like reading. I can't believe I almost forgot I like reading. I mean, of course I always said I did and I'll never deny that I love it, but on some instictual level I think I forgot what it was like to read something for leisure that wasn't a comic book/graphic novel, though those in their own right are just as rewarding. Neil Gaiman is still genius.

I'm getting used to the idea of San Fransisco (I'm probably going to Berkeley and SF is close) west won't be bad with the riceoroni and the trolleys...if the dogs bark and the bees sting... and I'm feeling sad.. i'll simply remmeber my favorite things.. and then I won't feel so bad.

In CW #1, Bournes gave us an assignment to rewrite that song.. mine was pretty decent... though my poetry skills are mad lacking.

in CW#3(the current one) we're doing shorts. which is what I tell myself I'm good at. but at the same time is one of the most painful processes I know. Really.. it is. I think all 'art' is that way. if takenseriously enough. sometimes.. they take it too seriously.

I found my wallet. it was at starbucks

I decided I'm going to try to dress nicer more often... doesn't mean no teeshirts and jeans for jessica... and it definitely doens't mean wear heels everyday. But I'm going to resist my urges to scrubb out.

At the end of all things

SO I guess its over... with the exception of princeton.. who decided they'd only post through snail mail. It's kinda of a relief. Congratulations to everyone who got into fricken amazing schools. Somehow it feels like all of our hard work has payed off.. and well.. I have to say It feels pretty awesome to have such an amazing class of IB kids.

Only thing left is to keep my B in Calc, study for some tests, rock some golf-ness, finish the lit magazine, write, find a job, and smile :O)

SOmetimes I wish I were bettter at packaging myself on paper, but everything turned out well.

guess what? WE'RE GOING TO COLLEGE

We're gonna fight the Eskimos next, you know that?

I'm pretty proud of what i've gotten done over the beginning of spring break. I finished a scholarship application, cleaned out my car (god knows i needed to do that) that was pretty gross. I no longer have lemonade all over my cds, nor am I able to live in my car anymore- all my food and clothes aren't in there anymore. I actually put my golf balls in a box so they don't roll around... someone should be proud. My room is next... both "my" rooms if I look around me right now. I'm leaving hanging out for tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and Sunday. hopefully I'll finish almost everything tonight.

I watched Crash yesterday for the first time. I almost cried at the part Don Cheadle(sp) got pwned by his mom. Just like East of Eden when Adam gets pwned by his mom(well step mom). It was okay overall. I thought that they did a good connecting job.. but some of the characters weren't developed very well.

you know.. I haven't colored with crayons in a long time.. I think I'm going to start that again.

I think April 14th is going to be a good day. IB Art exam/display, the big 18, my mom's turning 50, Lit Magazine submissions are due... speaking of which I should prostitute that more.

A week is actually a short time. a really short time. I find out from a lot of school tomorrow and the day after if they like me or not. So far.. I am loved.

I really feel like dancing... or sitting with people talking about nothing. I think those are the best times.. when we talk about nothing.

I'm glad my mom tells me stories about herself, and her parents, and her grandparents and so on. I feel like I know them better. I never knew my family was interesting... I thought we were just a bunch of hard working teachers... apparantly not. my Great grandfather owned goldmines.... weird eh? Its like I can really see my mom. instead of just living with her. sometimes I hate language barriers- if those weren't here I think i'd know my extended family a lot better.. and if they weren't on the other side of the world...or dead.

somehow I don't feel relaxed. I've been sleeping a lot, eating more.. hanging out some. but its like I have a constant crick in my neck. or I'm worrying about something.. but I don't know what. or I tell myself I don't know what I'm worrying about.

Tell me your stories, because I dont' have any of my own.

not good enough

The wachowski (sp?) brothers are trying too hard to relive the matrix,

I personally need to work on my short game bit.

James Bond has amazing STD repellant.

I hadn't fully appreciated Austin Powers until I saw Goldfinger, and From Russia with Love yesterday night.

I need to find de-tanner... but not quite Michael Jackson Style.

people come home from new york today.

break makes me shower at weird times of the day.

It's Coming.. and no I'm not talking about prom or homecoming.

Be Happy to be Rejected!

What: gambling pool
When: before this FRIDAY March 24
Who: YOU! (Ian and I are running this)

How:
-Create a list of schools you've applied to, and hypothesize accepted :) or rejected :( for each school
-exclude schools you've already been accepted/rejected to, and schools that are shoe ins (Ie. CU)
-send list to Iannappier@gmail.com, and Jessi.Park@gmail.com
-track me down and hand me five dollars
-you're valid only if both are in.

winners will be decided by the ratio of (estimated right)/(estimated wrong)
waitlisting = rejection... (yes they are equivalent Ian)
3rd place winner: tough love.
2nd place winner: breaks even (ie.. fi' dolla back)
1st place winner: takes the pot.


you know you want to.

did you know bologna is 38% hoof?

funny how a comedic chick flick puts everything wrong with my world right.

Tonight was a good night with Kaitlin and Amanda Bynes... though she kinda fails at pulling off the crossdressing.

I might just have a thing for crossdressing plotlines.

sixteen candles is overrated.

blue applesauce.. surprisingly good.

smiling doesn't seem like a foreign concept.

nodworthy.

Lethargy

thanks to Foote, I have now heard 'Here comes the Sun' and 'Ruby Tuesday' among others that I had never listened to before and should have.

It's wierd looking at job aplications. makes me feel old.

Reading "Uncle WIggily in Connecticut" makes me sad. I hope I never turn into that.

Blargh.. for old times sake
I feel like I've changed a lot since that time a year ago... not even so long. we all have. It's natural for me to have that dent between my eyes now, a cowlick in my hair from pulling at it, and a crick in my shoulder from hunching over. I don't smile as much as I used to and I tried to talk to my parents abotu politics.. great idea Jessica.

I used to be talky and smiley... what happened?

and Nick.. do send/burn me something good by Pelican.

I'm going to go commandeer Hollen's beach house.

I bought a dress yesterday and a straightener. the dress is marylin monroe-y and the straightener is pretty amazing.

Janet Comes Home (almost) tomorrow. :)

Lean on me...

I got stuck in an elevator this weekend for forty minutes. It was at capacity.... and then we stopped.. right on our floor and the door wouldn't open. Girls can be really annoying and shreiky. Thus, two girls started to freak out because of claustrophobia..and one girl thought it would be a good time to hope that she didn't throw up because she had eariler that day. It was actually rather fun.

I learned the Pretzel for real this time... and matt threw me around his waist. I love swing dancing.

I really can't write poetry.. I'll be glad when this unit is done in wills'.

We need to find a new Key Club Sponsor because Fox (dont' even say it Ian) is bailing on us. If I had gone to convention last year.. I would have been so much better with all of this stuff.

people gossip too much... and really.. I dont' know if its true.

oh the hipster girls from Cali... reminds me of joyce. and I really hate leggings.. and at the same time, I want a pair. kinda like gauchos, I think its something like they're so ugly they're cute. you know?

this year we raised about 13000 dollars for the school in Vietnam + the 28,000 from previous years. that's pretty awesome.

Riverton's Key Club is ridiculous. seriously. ridiculous. but next year Smoky's goign to Represent on the Board.

To two day weeks of school!

materialism in list form

Things I want:

CDS:
- Pink Moon, Nick Drake
- The Light of Things Hoped for, Brave Saint Saturn
- Everything in Transit- Jack's Mannequin
- Electric Boogaloo-five Iron Frenzy
- something good by Pelican.
-something good by the Flaming Lips

DVDs:
Gilmore Girls seasons 1-3
Batman: the Animated Series seasons 1-4
Batman Beyond season 1 (if season two were out that'd be better)
Adaptation
The Goonies
Edward Scissorhands
LOTR: Fellowship of the Rings- Extended Edition
LOTR: Two Towers- Extended Edition
The Big Sleep
Finding Neverland
Sin City


Books:
The Max
Sandman: #2,3,8,10, endless nights
Watchmen
Bluebeard by Vonnegut
Harry Potter #7
The Long Goodbye by Chandler


I like how i can convince my parents to buy all the books I want, so I already own most of the ones I wanted before. For the rest of it, i need a job.. unless there are people willing to burn me the aforementioned cds.

Funny how Ecclesiastes chreers me up... in a depressing way.

cycles

I guess its back to square three.

Sometimes I just want to yell at people to get all my frustration out. Though, I think i'd be without friends or tact then. and really doesn't help anyone out. I'm too... non-apathetic, no matter how hard I try not to be.

I'm not mopey. Time is just molasses-ing along through the week, and at the same time moving at Mach 3. Its that teenage uselessness coming into play.

I'm having troubles coming up with words with meaning. All I can think to do lately is steal from people better than me.

Sweat blood and tears- that's what made me the way I am today.

Eleventy one kinda sucks... a lot.

oh well.. first tournament. I was happy, or at least satisfied with the front nine.. and then the back nine went to shit. hazards galore, and three putts all around.

I've been reading Brief Lives chapter by chapter (if you couldn't tell by my last post.. or if you're sneaky, the title of my post before that) I have to say he's just a genius- with plot, and words, and ideas. Neil's one of those writers that makes me think i'm unworthy to even try to write and at the same time, he makes me want to do it even more.

My parents have begun to tell me where to go and what to study again. No, I don't want to be a doctor. Yes, there's still a possibility of me going to New York if I get in to Columbia. No, I don't care that some girl got murdered and wrapped in mailing tape (weird) in the city. She was probably being dumb and walking alone at night anyway. And finally, no I don't care if I'm financially stable or not.

I can't write poetry. Its not in me. really I can't...

I need to call my sisters more often. They always call us.

I heard my first good sermon in 7 months today. yay for the church finally noticing the youth group. not yay for the Korean ministry stealing/ jacking up all of our equipment and not yay for them painting our room poorly/thecolor of peasoup puke.

I've always loved stars. even to the point of looking up while driving and swerving onto the other side of the street (only in neighborhoods) too bad I don't have a moonroof in my car. and with that, some words from Neil:

"I like the stars. Its the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments."

A Xanga-esque post.

For you unbelievers... which is pretty much everyone.

"Reason. It is no more reliable a tool than instinct, myth or Dream. They are exploring and creating, defining and dissecting."
"Do they think that they can impale the soul of [an ape] on their knives? that if they cut deep enough they can extract its dreams naked and writhing and screaming from its heads. Reason is a flawed tool at best."

I think Brief Lives is my favorite of all the Sandmans. That's where that ^ came from. One of my favorite parts is looking at Dave McKeans artwork inbetween the chapters. It's very... Dangeresque III. i dont' know what I meant by that.

I'm ready for a new day to start.

I beat minesweeper.

Because feeding the soul is more important than feeding the body.

That thing that lets you know time is happening.

Ian needs to give me back all my Sandmans... because they're amazing- and I want to read them again. Maybe it's time for a trip to Borders. People complain about the chains, that they're too corporate or whatever.. yeah small bookstores are nice.. but sometimes if they're really empty you get stared at for sitting down and reading something you didn't buy.

I need to stop watching home improvement shows like Devine Design, While you were out, Get Color! and so on... I've recently taken to thinking about paint colors and building armoires.

It feels like summer- not helping the lazy.. lets-play-minesweeper-and-not-do-work phase. hopefully it stays atleast through saturday.. where I can golf my butt off against other girls from other schools all of whom seem to be a lot better than me, or a lot worse.

Thursday's going to be fun. Physics test, math quiz, english essay? good thing there's not chemistry too.

At the beginning of the year.. Alliy and I put something like ' we're gonna be best friends' in the Key CLub flyer, and now, with Lit club.. our posters, lets just say are going to be amazing. I love going through with ridiculous ideas.

Facebook mixing with highschool facebook- bad idea.. gonna lower the quality of facebook as a online thingy. turn it into a myspace type thing.

I can't take it anymore. the obnoxiousities of Calculus class (and of not calculus class) and loud offensive statements. I jsut don't feel like playing a long and laughing anymore. Just not in the mood.

in a little bit of Rabah style:
14 days until the end of a two day week.
30 days until the "dear jessica, we love/hate you" letters start coming in.
45 days until my mom's birfday.. and 45 until mine.
88 days until one of those freeze frame jump into the air moments because High School is DONE!!!!

Don't wait for me.. I got a lot to do, got a lot to be

I was down to fifteen mines... and then the smiley face blewup and had x's for eyes. I'm gonna beat the expert level of that game oneday. One day soom.

I like the new sound to keasbey. the play between the horns on Walking Away got a lot better.

I'm at that place again where I'm sick of everyone and their crap that belongs on Planet lookatmelookatme. except for a couple of people.. me thinks its time for a getaway... which won't happen anytime soon.

Why is it.. i'm good at putting on practice greens and in my house.. and then start suckaroo-ing once i start actually playing? It starts tomorrow. I'm superdeeduper excited. Bring on the freshmen.. adn the golf balls.. and Alwin's crazy swings.

it jsut means that April first is that much closer.. and may too.

I need something like a carnival or another shortfilm festival or SOMETHING that isn't the movies or something I could do at anytime to give me a "hey... life isn't dry and meticulously draining you of joy"

Just stick me in an igloo in the middle of the Yukon. or give me New york, or Boston, or CHicago somewhere away from this egotistical shithole of a city with its festering teenagers and maybe when I come back after a week or two, I'll beable to say "It isn't as bad as I thought it was"

Jen was talking about us living together in the same city- raising kids together- being closer as sisters. Good idea... but i've got to move. wiggle room- trips to Barcelona, or Kyoto. Big trips.. I'll slip out of the manacles of settledness somehow. restless like thistle in the wind.

I miss Janet.

Don't cry emo kid.