We're gonna fight the Eskimos next, you know that?

I'm pretty proud of what i've gotten done over the beginning of spring break. I finished a scholarship application, cleaned out my car (god knows i needed to do that) that was pretty gross. I no longer have lemonade all over my cds, nor am I able to live in my car anymore- all my food and clothes aren't in there anymore. I actually put my golf balls in a box so they don't roll around... someone should be proud. My room is next... both "my" rooms if I look around me right now. I'm leaving hanging out for tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and Sunday. hopefully I'll finish almost everything tonight.

I watched Crash yesterday for the first time. I almost cried at the part Don Cheadle(sp) got pwned by his mom. Just like East of Eden when Adam gets pwned by his mom(well step mom). It was okay overall. I thought that they did a good connecting job.. but some of the characters weren't developed very well.

you know.. I haven't colored with crayons in a long time.. I think I'm going to start that again.

I think April 14th is going to be a good day. IB Art exam/display, the big 18, my mom's turning 50, Lit Magazine submissions are due... speaking of which I should prostitute that more.

A week is actually a short time. a really short time. I find out from a lot of school tomorrow and the day after if they like me or not. So far.. I am loved.

I really feel like dancing... or sitting with people talking about nothing. I think those are the best times.. when we talk about nothing.

I'm glad my mom tells me stories about herself, and her parents, and her grandparents and so on. I feel like I know them better. I never knew my family was interesting... I thought we were just a bunch of hard working teachers... apparantly not. my Great grandfather owned goldmines.... weird eh? Its like I can really see my mom. instead of just living with her. sometimes I hate language barriers- if those weren't here I think i'd know my extended family a lot better.. and if they weren't on the other side of the world...or dead.

somehow I don't feel relaxed. I've been sleeping a lot, eating more.. hanging out some. but its like I have a constant crick in my neck. or I'm worrying about something.. but I don't know what. or I tell myself I don't know what I'm worrying about.

Tell me your stories, because I dont' have any of my own.

not good enough

The wachowski (sp?) brothers are trying too hard to relive the matrix,

I personally need to work on my short game bit.

James Bond has amazing STD repellant.

I hadn't fully appreciated Austin Powers until I saw Goldfinger, and From Russia with Love yesterday night.

I need to find de-tanner... but not quite Michael Jackson Style.

people come home from new york today.

break makes me shower at weird times of the day.

It's Coming.. and no I'm not talking about prom or homecoming.

Be Happy to be Rejected!

What: gambling pool
When: before this FRIDAY March 24
Who: YOU! (Ian and I are running this)

How:
-Create a list of schools you've applied to, and hypothesize accepted :) or rejected :( for each school
-exclude schools you've already been accepted/rejected to, and schools that are shoe ins (Ie. CU)
-send list to Iannappier@gmail.com, and Jessi.Park@gmail.com
-track me down and hand me five dollars
-you're valid only if both are in.

winners will be decided by the ratio of (estimated right)/(estimated wrong)
waitlisting = rejection... (yes they are equivalent Ian)
3rd place winner: tough love.
2nd place winner: breaks even (ie.. fi' dolla back)
1st place winner: takes the pot.


you know you want to.

did you know bologna is 38% hoof?

funny how a comedic chick flick puts everything wrong with my world right.

Tonight was a good night with Kaitlin and Amanda Bynes... though she kinda fails at pulling off the crossdressing.

I might just have a thing for crossdressing plotlines.

sixteen candles is overrated.

blue applesauce.. surprisingly good.

smiling doesn't seem like a foreign concept.

nodworthy.

Lethargy

thanks to Foote, I have now heard 'Here comes the Sun' and 'Ruby Tuesday' among others that I had never listened to before and should have.

It's wierd looking at job aplications. makes me feel old.

Reading "Uncle WIggily in Connecticut" makes me sad. I hope I never turn into that.

Blargh.. for old times sake
I feel like I've changed a lot since that time a year ago... not even so long. we all have. It's natural for me to have that dent between my eyes now, a cowlick in my hair from pulling at it, and a crick in my shoulder from hunching over. I don't smile as much as I used to and I tried to talk to my parents abotu politics.. great idea Jessica.

I used to be talky and smiley... what happened?

and Nick.. do send/burn me something good by Pelican.

I'm going to go commandeer Hollen's beach house.

I bought a dress yesterday and a straightener. the dress is marylin monroe-y and the straightener is pretty amazing.

Janet Comes Home (almost) tomorrow. :)

Lean on me...

I got stuck in an elevator this weekend for forty minutes. It was at capacity.... and then we stopped.. right on our floor and the door wouldn't open. Girls can be really annoying and shreiky. Thus, two girls started to freak out because of claustrophobia..and one girl thought it would be a good time to hope that she didn't throw up because she had eariler that day. It was actually rather fun.

I learned the Pretzel for real this time... and matt threw me around his waist. I love swing dancing.

I really can't write poetry.. I'll be glad when this unit is done in wills'.

We need to find a new Key Club Sponsor because Fox (dont' even say it Ian) is bailing on us. If I had gone to convention last year.. I would have been so much better with all of this stuff.

people gossip too much... and really.. I dont' know if its true.

oh the hipster girls from Cali... reminds me of joyce. and I really hate leggings.. and at the same time, I want a pair. kinda like gauchos, I think its something like they're so ugly they're cute. you know?

this year we raised about 13000 dollars for the school in Vietnam + the 28,000 from previous years. that's pretty awesome.

Riverton's Key Club is ridiculous. seriously. ridiculous. but next year Smoky's goign to Represent on the Board.

To two day weeks of school!

materialism in list form

Things I want:

CDS:
- Pink Moon, Nick Drake
- The Light of Things Hoped for, Brave Saint Saturn
- Everything in Transit- Jack's Mannequin
- Electric Boogaloo-five Iron Frenzy
- something good by Pelican.
-something good by the Flaming Lips

DVDs:
Gilmore Girls seasons 1-3
Batman: the Animated Series seasons 1-4
Batman Beyond season 1 (if season two were out that'd be better)
Adaptation
The Goonies
Edward Scissorhands
LOTR: Fellowship of the Rings- Extended Edition
LOTR: Two Towers- Extended Edition
The Big Sleep
Finding Neverland
Sin City


Books:
The Max
Sandman: #2,3,8,10, endless nights
Watchmen
Bluebeard by Vonnegut
Harry Potter #7
The Long Goodbye by Chandler


I like how i can convince my parents to buy all the books I want, so I already own most of the ones I wanted before. For the rest of it, i need a job.. unless there are people willing to burn me the aforementioned cds.

Funny how Ecclesiastes chreers me up... in a depressing way.

cycles

I guess its back to square three.

Sometimes I just want to yell at people to get all my frustration out. Though, I think i'd be without friends or tact then. and really doesn't help anyone out. I'm too... non-apathetic, no matter how hard I try not to be.

I'm not mopey. Time is just molasses-ing along through the week, and at the same time moving at Mach 3. Its that teenage uselessness coming into play.

I'm having troubles coming up with words with meaning. All I can think to do lately is steal from people better than me.

Sweat blood and tears- that's what made me the way I am today.

Eleventy one kinda sucks... a lot.

oh well.. first tournament. I was happy, or at least satisfied with the front nine.. and then the back nine went to shit. hazards galore, and three putts all around.

I've been reading Brief Lives chapter by chapter (if you couldn't tell by my last post.. or if you're sneaky, the title of my post before that) I have to say he's just a genius- with plot, and words, and ideas. Neil's one of those writers that makes me think i'm unworthy to even try to write and at the same time, he makes me want to do it even more.

My parents have begun to tell me where to go and what to study again. No, I don't want to be a doctor. Yes, there's still a possibility of me going to New York if I get in to Columbia. No, I don't care that some girl got murdered and wrapped in mailing tape (weird) in the city. She was probably being dumb and walking alone at night anyway. And finally, no I don't care if I'm financially stable or not.

I can't write poetry. Its not in me. really I can't...

I need to call my sisters more often. They always call us.

I heard my first good sermon in 7 months today. yay for the church finally noticing the youth group. not yay for the Korean ministry stealing/ jacking up all of our equipment and not yay for them painting our room poorly/thecolor of peasoup puke.

I've always loved stars. even to the point of looking up while driving and swerving onto the other side of the street (only in neighborhoods) too bad I don't have a moonroof in my car. and with that, some words from Neil:

"I like the stars. Its the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments."

A Xanga-esque post.

For you unbelievers... which is pretty much everyone.

"Reason. It is no more reliable a tool than instinct, myth or Dream. They are exploring and creating, defining and dissecting."
"Do they think that they can impale the soul of [an ape] on their knives? that if they cut deep enough they can extract its dreams naked and writhing and screaming from its heads. Reason is a flawed tool at best."

I think Brief Lives is my favorite of all the Sandmans. That's where that ^ came from. One of my favorite parts is looking at Dave McKeans artwork inbetween the chapters. It's very... Dangeresque III. i dont' know what I meant by that.

I'm ready for a new day to start.

I beat minesweeper.

Because feeding the soul is more important than feeding the body.

That thing that lets you know time is happening.

Ian needs to give me back all my Sandmans... because they're amazing- and I want to read them again. Maybe it's time for a trip to Borders. People complain about the chains, that they're too corporate or whatever.. yeah small bookstores are nice.. but sometimes if they're really empty you get stared at for sitting down and reading something you didn't buy.

I need to stop watching home improvement shows like Devine Design, While you were out, Get Color! and so on... I've recently taken to thinking about paint colors and building armoires.

It feels like summer- not helping the lazy.. lets-play-minesweeper-and-not-do-work phase. hopefully it stays atleast through saturday.. where I can golf my butt off against other girls from other schools all of whom seem to be a lot better than me, or a lot worse.

Thursday's going to be fun. Physics test, math quiz, english essay? good thing there's not chemistry too.

At the beginning of the year.. Alliy and I put something like ' we're gonna be best friends' in the Key CLub flyer, and now, with Lit club.. our posters, lets just say are going to be amazing. I love going through with ridiculous ideas.

Facebook mixing with highschool facebook- bad idea.. gonna lower the quality of facebook as a online thingy. turn it into a myspace type thing.

I can't take it anymore. the obnoxiousities of Calculus class (and of not calculus class) and loud offensive statements. I jsut don't feel like playing a long and laughing anymore. Just not in the mood.

in a little bit of Rabah style:
14 days until the end of a two day week.
30 days until the "dear jessica, we love/hate you" letters start coming in.
45 days until my mom's birfday.. and 45 until mine.
88 days until one of those freeze frame jump into the air moments because High School is DONE!!!!

Don't wait for me.. I got a lot to do, got a lot to be

I was down to fifteen mines... and then the smiley face blewup and had x's for eyes. I'm gonna beat the expert level of that game oneday. One day soom.

I like the new sound to keasbey. the play between the horns on Walking Away got a lot better.

I'm at that place again where I'm sick of everyone and their crap that belongs on Planet lookatmelookatme. except for a couple of people.. me thinks its time for a getaway... which won't happen anytime soon.

Why is it.. i'm good at putting on practice greens and in my house.. and then start suckaroo-ing once i start actually playing? It starts tomorrow. I'm superdeeduper excited. Bring on the freshmen.. adn the golf balls.. and Alwin's crazy swings.

it jsut means that April first is that much closer.. and may too.

I need something like a carnival or another shortfilm festival or SOMETHING that isn't the movies or something I could do at anytime to give me a "hey... life isn't dry and meticulously draining you of joy"

Just stick me in an igloo in the middle of the Yukon. or give me New york, or Boston, or CHicago somewhere away from this egotistical shithole of a city with its festering teenagers and maybe when I come back after a week or two, I'll beable to say "It isn't as bad as I thought it was"

Jen was talking about us living together in the same city- raising kids together- being closer as sisters. Good idea... but i've got to move. wiggle room- trips to Barcelona, or Kyoto. Big trips.. I'll slip out of the manacles of settledness somehow. restless like thistle in the wind.

I miss Janet.

Don't cry emo kid.

Crying Josh a river.

Neil Gaiman is Amazing

I don't think I have very much in common with my family at all. maybe that's just the typical teenager in me thinking, but really. I don't.

amnesty night was pretty awesome.. there was a little bit of running around.. but over all a really good performance.. I liked ICE... and Lani and I performed Give Peace a Chance, which went over well other than the ruining of several pots and pans /instruments and not being able to hear us.

I love the backstreet boys. AJ is awesome.

in fits of Delirium.


I am getting way too much sleep.

Better Than Basketball

Come to AMNESTY NIGHT (Entertain Your Human Rights)

Friday 2.17 (Tomorrow)

7pm

$5

Food,
Art,
Human Rights and

Performances by:
Kris Becker
The Panic Sphere
ICE
Hip HOp CLub
Rachel Pontious
Sidney Masuga
and yeah they managed to fit in more than that.

BE THERE.. we're going to beat Mullen anyway.

"like a sunset on another empty night"

It's funny when sleep doesn't help anymore- doesn't matter if its 2 hours or 15.. but i'm still sleepy, and I could still always sleep more.

I feel like I do alot once I get to school- everythign that I have to do jstu hits me, when as soon as I step into my car again... I stop thinking and just get super lethargic. maybe I shoudl live at school so I can be productive and psychotic all the time.

I just watched my first bit of olympics in probably about 6 or 8 years. I remmeebnr watching womens figure skating on my parents bed with my mom dad jen and janet all beneath the covers when I was maybe five or seven. Kinda wish I had the time to do that again.. though they no longer have a tv in their room.

Oh and I got an extra copy of the receipt :o) 25 dollars saved,... 10 more to go.

I need to... idk.. stand at the top of a mountain and scream for a good minute or two... and then fall backwards into a pile of snow.. and stare at running clouds laughing because I'm not anymore. just.. watching the running.

To the end- in hopes it comes quicker.

He climbed down on the stars

I feel like I've been in fifth gear for over a week and a half. Yeah I got a rest this weekend, but didn't feel like it.

We sold about one hundred dollars worth of hershey's kisses.. which means abotu a 60 dollar profit. awesome. I lost one of my receipts.. not awesome.

I'm bitter about science bowl- what a bad way to end.

All I want is for everything to stop, and for me to just... golf.. and read.. and write..and hang out... and get into freaking college.

Can I be sleeping beauty and sleep for a hundred years? I'm ready.

Can't see me flying because all I'm doing is falling- and that's not even buzz lightyear with style business. just flailing, and failing.

breathing is good.

guess that didn't last long.

right now i'm debating sleeping or not. however, the actual topic of my IA is still up for grabs, as well.. i don't really know much at all about the middle east. so just becasue i'm reading a lot of good info on egypt and Nasser and stuff.. doens't mean that B and C are written.. so... can I do it all tomorrow before midnight? hopefully?

sleep deprivation really gets to me. one night its okay- but two and a half in a row? no. naps only help for the immidiate couple of hours after that when its this bad.

Its shocking to count how many months it had been before i had a real conversation with Chris yesternight. He's a good kid.

i'm tempted to leave off for tomorrow post 6.5 hours of sleep. Maybe not go to creative writing? idk. mentors? idk.

I have a kenkersore in my mouth. I haven't had one of those for a long time. it makes me clentch my jaw which probably isn't good for whatever's wrong wiht it.

bed? bed? bed.

I feel like a beetle under a ton of bricks.

Jason Mraz tells me to not worry my day away. Maybe i'll just frantically run my day away instead.

sorry for the disjointed nature of this post.

When the need comes around.

I think I'm going to try the old fashioned paper journal approach- You'd assume I'd be able to write more freely there- but I have this paranoia that someone is going to find it (where it's sitting on my desk) and look through it- so i write everything vaguely and don't have any space to reflect- but I do that here too. There is no difference.

I don't know.

I might be back in a week.

I'm in one of those moods where I want to curl up in a big chair with a mug of something and stare out at the rain, or a sunset/rise- but there is no rain/sunset/rise and no time to curl up into big chairs.

I have to move along and run around in circles- because that's what I expect out of myself.

"I'm never going to be good enough for you am I?"

I guess it's present buying season.

And knowing that... I'm almost broke- Ian's birfday, Janet's birfday, Yang's birfday in February, screw March and mine, my mother's, Charlie's, (Hannah and Vince too) Foote's and Taifur's in April... and then School is done... done done done done done done done done.


I spent today sleeping... I ate some pizza...watched some crap and then fell back asleep ont he couch... and then ate dinner.. I am a bum. remember that brand of clothing? I used to have a pretty awesome sweatshirt as a kid from that company.

According to I-tunes, my most listened to song is 'The Silent Enigma' but I bet if it counted the songs I listen to in my car and in my bathroom... it wouldn't be- then again it might be 'opener' by Jimmy just because the first verse plays probably five times a morning due to my snooze hitting.

golf is starting! and I'm not going to be the only senior.. take THAT Alison and Amanda... who never read this anyway. Coach Steenrod is pretty awesome..

I'm really tempted to skip Denver Rescue Mission for Lit Club on Tuesday.... should I? hrmmmm....

Happy birfday Yesterday Joe- I hope I made it happier and not un-happier.